Alibi
by breathe4her
Summary: Love is tested when two unlikely worlds collide forcefully together. Will there ever be a way for them to accept who they are?
1. ONE

**Author's Note: **_**This fic is a lot different than the ones I've been posting. It was a challenge from a different board (and trust me, it was a challenge) but I thought some of you would like to read it. First, let me tell you that it does hit a sensitive subject; especially for teenagers who are going through it and want to be accepted.**_

_The Challenge was posted by drastikblinder._

_**I had received mixed reviews with this fic and though I do accept any criticism, please do it appropriately (an adult manner) or at least PM me with it if you're so against it – or just don't read. After posting this, I've realized there are a lot of young teens going through what Ashley is going through (as well as Spencer). So please keep that in mind when you do comment. Any unnecessary negative comments will force me to delete this all together.**_

_**I do not own the characters. Thank you!**_

**CHAPTER ONE**

***SPENCER***

_From the scrapes and bruises__  
__To the familiar abuses__  
__I'll kick and scream but it never changes anything_

I tiptoed out of her bedroom at six in the morning. It had been a long night and aside from all the arguing and make-up sex, things were still awkward.

"Spencer," Stacey sighed while grabbing my arm to spin me around, "the sex," she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "it doesn't change anything."

And by anything, she meant that it didn't change the fact that she still broke up with me five hours ago.

"Whatever," I waved her off tiredly and tucked my sandals underneath my arms. "I better go before I get you into trouble with your Aunt."

"It's never stopped you before," Stacey smiled in such a way that made me want to smack her.

I wasn't one for abuse or violence but the girl just broke up with me and then she was giving me one of her smoldering smiles?

What a tease.

And I wasn't about to cave.

"We're over." I whispered and opened the screen door. "I promise you'll never have to see me again."

"Spencer," she frowned, her long brunette locks flowing in the warm breeze as she stood on her doorstep. "We can still be fr-"

"No, we can't." Because she broke my heart and I wasn't about to let her see that.

I wasn't about to break down in front of her because then that'd mean I care – and I really didn't want too.

I heard her calling my name as I ran down the street and towards the park where I took a shortcut home. I stumbled slightly after my feet hit the hard rocks on the path and realized I still had my sandals in my hands, gripped tightly. I let out a shaky sigh and threw them on the ground. I bent over to do up the straps on the back of the heel and felt myself be thrown onto my side as someone ran into me.

I sat up and frowned at the person who finished doing a somersault from the collision. The teenager got up and rushed over to me. "Oh God are you okay?"

I blinked at the soft hand that grasped my own and helped me up to my feet. I could only nod.

"I'm so sorry. I'm not used to anyone being in the park while I do my run. Are you hurt?"

I shook my head and watched this person who was wearing a hoodie reach over to brush dirt off of my leg. "Thanks."

"So really, why is pretty girl like you wandering through a park by herself?" I tried to hang onto every word but the deep huskiness of that voice sent little chills up my spine.

It was weird.

From the weak shadows that cascaded over the trees in the early morning, I could barely make the person out.

"I was just heading home from my ex-girlfriend's." I replied somewhat sadly and grabbed my fallen purse. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yea, I'm built tough." That laugh was like music. "My name is Asher by the way."

Asher?

"Oh, um, Spencer." I smiled awkwardly when I realized that I was somewhat taken by this… boy.

I was gay.

A lesbian.

Had sex with girls and girls only.

I swooned over them.

I…

"Lovely name." Asher smiled and grabbed my purse gently from my hand, throwing it over his shoulder. "Well Spencer, I don't feel comfortable with you walking out here all by yourself. Do you mind if I walk you home? It's the least I can do."

I swallowed and quickly shook my head. "You know, I can carry my purse."

"Eh," he smirked and pulled his hood down showing his dark shaggy waves, "I'm in touch with my feminine side, really."

I laughed and started to walk beside him. "Do you always run this early?"

"I don't have much of a life." He shrugged. "I just moved here with my older sister and so far the park has been the only interesting thing."

I raised an eyebrow. "There's a whole city out there. I don't think you've tried."

Asher stopped and glanced at me. "I know there are things to do in the city," he shrugged and started to walk again, "I guess I just don't know where to start to find that one 'interesting' thing."

"Ah," I was on the same page, "okay but don't you have school to fill up some time?"

"No." He snorted and kicked a rock as we started down my familiar street. "I dropped out last year. High school was lame and well let's just say I moved here to find better and bigger opportunities."

"You don't look very old." I hoped I hadn't offended him.

"You mean the lack of facial hair?" Asher scratched his perfectly narrow smooth chin and laughed. "Yea, I'm working on that."

"Late bloomer?" I teased.

He paused and bit his lip. "You can say that."

"It doesn't even sound like you've hit puberty." I smiled teasingly and he raised an eyebrow.

"Way to kill my male ego there Spencer." He frowned and placed a hand over his chest, mock hurt. "Well you look like you're what, in the ninth grade?"

"I'm a senior!" I gasped and tucked messy strands of hair behind my ears.

"Never judge a book by its cover." He waved a finger at me and stopped when I did. He glanced up at the large red brick house and smiled. "I take it this is your home?"

"Ever since the day I was born." I sighed and he handed me my purse back. "Hey, thanks for walking me home."

"Thank you for not yelling at me when I bulldozed you." Asher grinned shyly. "See you around Spencer."

I nodded and walked up the pathway to the front door. After digging out my house key, I turned to see him still standing there. He waved at me and put his hood back over his head and his headphones back in his ears before he took off running down the streets.

I shook my head and willed myself to stop thinking about _him._

Sex with girls.

Sex with girls.

Sex with Stacey.

Wait. No.

Stacey.

Right, my heart was just broken and I totally forgot about it.

"Ugh." I groaned and did a face plant on my bed.

I needed sleep.

A lot of it.

And I wouldn't wake up until I'm out of the freakish nightmare.

--


	2. TWO

**CHAPTER TWO**

***SPENCER***

School sucked big time. I understood that we all needed to get edumacated, but to trap us together in stuffy classrooms for a whole day? It was pure torture.

Maybe Asher had the right idea about dropping out.

I didn't really belong in any cliques. I wasn't a cheerleader. I wasn't an athlete or an artist of any variety. I didn't join any groups because I didn't like them – or rather I liked being a loner.

Maybe that was my clique.

Only instead of hanging out with the other 'loners', I hung out with myself.

Really, I liked it that way.

I had friends, sure.

"Why do you insist on eating by yourself every day?" Aiden laughed and sat down beside me. He was a jock.

Okay, so I _tried_ to hang out alone.

"Yea, you make it like a scavenger hunt to find you every other day." Chelsea grinned and sat on the other side of me. She was the artistic type.

"Word." Carmen sighed and sat across from me. She was an emo geek.

"I really hate sitting here," Madison scowled as she sat down slow enough so that she wouldn't ruin her cheerleading outfit. Head cheerleader.

I didn't fit in with just one clique – they all seemed to have followed me.

"Isn't it boring sitting alone?" Chelsea asked me while opening up her chocolate pudding.

"I prefer it actually." I smirked. We had the same conversation everyday yet nothing seemed to change.

"I have detention after school," Carmen whined, "Spence, come distract Mr. Wagner so I can leave."

"No." I shrugged and grabbed my bag. Just as I was about to get up, I heard my name being called.

"Ou, it's the girlfriend." Aiden snickered.

"Ex-girlfriend." I snapped back bitterly and started to walk the other direction.

"Spencer, wait up." Stacey frowned when she caught up and fought to keep in step with me. "Where's the fire?"

"Burn in hell." I muttered and grabbed my bag tighter.

"I just wanted to talk to you." She sighed and stepped in front of me. "I think I made a mistake last night."

"We were a mistake." I narrowed my eyes at her. "Go away Stace. We're over and I don't want to be your friend."

"We've been together for over a year Spence, how can you say that?" Stacey frowned, looking a little hurt.

"Really," I whispered, "I can't take this anymore. You push me away only to pull me back in again and I don't want to be a part of it anymore," I paused, "I don't want to be a part of you."

Stacey shook her head and turned around, walking away.

Women. So fucking good in bed but ugh!!

I didn't even think twice about ditching school. I hated being around everyone; especially when I was in a cranky mood. I walked towards the park and started to dig out my book from my bag. I stopped dead in my tracks when I found someone sitting under my tree.

My weeping willow tree.

I narrowed my eyes and flipped my hair over my shoulders, marching over to the person who had their nose in a book, too engrossed in the reading material to hear my footsteps. I stood there with my hands on my hips and cleared my throat.

Brown golden eyes looked up at me while squinting from the sun. I swallowed slightly.

"Spencer." Asher laughed and stood up, wiping off his baggy jeans. "We really have to stop meeting here."

"You're under my tree." I said lamely and pointed to the spot where he was just sitting.

He gave me a confused look and grinned, turning back towards the tree. I watched slightly amused as he started to slowly walk around the large tree trunk, his fingers running over the bark.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"Oh," he spun around and shrugged, "checking to see if your name was on it."

I slightly blushed and shifted my feet slightly. "Well I can carve it in if you want."

"Or I can carve mine in."

"Ash." I warned with a small smile and he laughed, sitting back down. I frowned. "Seriously dude, this is my tree."

"Seriously dude," he mocked me, "didn't your mom ever teach you to share?"

"I'm not much of a sharer." I admitted but sat down next to him anyway. "What are you reading?"

"Angels & Demons." He held up the book and smiled. "This is better than The Davinci Code."

I shrugged. "Never read them."

Asher ran a hand through his shaggy hair and gave me an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me?"

"No." I frowned.

"What are you reading?" He leaned over my shoulder and I could smell the slight hint of Axe. I closed my eyes; trying to push any thought of thinking this boy was cute out of my mind. "Keeping You A Secret?"

"What can I say? Cece owns my heart." I shrugged.

"Holland is brave though, in my opinion." Asher smirked. "What? Don't look so shocked that I've read the book."

"You really are in touch with your feminine side, aren't you?" I smiled and noticed Asher backed away and nodded slowly, his smile disappearing from his perfectly shaped face.

_Stop it, Spencer._

"My sister Kyla, she's older than me. She makes me read things that matter. I mean, things that I can relate to in some way." He shrugged.

"Oh." I raised an eyebrow and felt weird that I was sad by his statement. "You're gay?"

"Why Spence, you almost sound disappointed." Asher teased with a nose crinkling smile. "Actually no, I really love the ladies."

I recovered quickly from his statement and tried to ignore some sort of hope forming inside my body. "I'm gay." I whispered.

"Yea," he laughed, looking up towards the bright sky, "I assumed since you said you were coming from you ex-girlfriend's house."

"I really love women too." I said quickly, tearing my eyes from his lips.

"Me too." Asher looked at me amused. "Are you okay?"

The fact that I was checking him out told me I wasn't okay. "I should get back to school."

"Okay…" he stood up as soon as I did. "Can I walk you?"

"No." I shook my head and started to walk away.

"Spencer!" He hollered across the park but I only walked as fast as my feet could carry me.

Avoid was my middle name.

And that was something I was about to do.

--


	3. THREE

_Thank you all for the kind reviews and for putting this fic on your alerts! I am grateful that you're interested in this. This fic is completed so there will be an update at least once a day (maybe two if I feel generous.) Any questions that are floating around in your head should be answered as the fic goes on. :)_

_Enjoy! _

**CHAPTER THREE**

***SPENCER***

"So the 'rents got a phone call from school saying you missed school again." Glen peeked through my bedroom door. "You're in trouble."

"I didn't miss school!" I jumped up and grabbed my cell. "I'll call Carmen, she knows I was there."

"Were you late?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well… yea… I missed twenty minutes of my fifth period class but I was still there." I pouted.

"You need to either skip a class or show up early." He laughed and shut the door.

Great. A phone call home could only mean I was late one too many times and it counted as an inexcusable absence.

Nicely done, Spencer.

"Spencer!" My Dad yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

"What?" I yelled back trying to sound annoyed. Maybe he wouldn't bother me if I was in a bad mood until after his news was on.

"You have company!"

I had company?

Better yet, I had company and I was able to see said company?

Score!

Wait a minute… no one knocks on my front door. Aiden usually climbs through my window with Carmen whereas Chelsea and Madison use the front door and come right up to my room.

The only person who knocked and waited downstairs was…

"Tell Stacey to go away!" I screamed and slammed my door. I sat down on my bed and grabbed my laptop, browsing between facebook and myspace. I had two profiles, big deal.

All the cool kids were doing it.

There was a knock at my bedroom door and I froze. Then I felt some sort of anger bomb go off inside and threw my laptop aside. "Stacey, I said-" I stopped and stepped backwards in shock.

"Not Stacey." Asher smiled and shrugged. "Sorry to disappoint."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still in shock. _Close the mouth Spencer._

"You kind of left this behind, under your tree," Asher handed me my book, "you really should learn to stop when someone's calling out your name."

"I had school." I grabbed my book and placed it on my dresser. He was still standing there. "Thank you?"

Asher still stood there.

I sighed heavily and looked at my nails. "Was there anything else you wanted?"

"Are you bipolar?" He looked at me strange. "I mean one minute you're all talkative and showing off your beautiful smile and the next you look like scrooge with a really bad frown."

I raised my eyebrows up in surprise at his bluntness. "Excuse me?"

"Listen, if you don't like me, fine." He started to back away and turn towards the staircase.

"Wait!" I swallowed and opened my bedroom door wider. "I'm sorry I'm being a bitch. It's the time of the month for me and I hate the world. It's nothing personal."

Asher showed off his nose crinkling grin and accepted the invite to come inside my room. "Wow, so this is your room." He looked around at all the half-naked women pictures and rock posters. "I could totally live in here."

"What, no hot chicks and rock posters infesting your walls?" I teased and sat on the edge of my bed. I took the time to check out what he was wearing; baggy jeans from earlier and a black zip-up hoodie that was left open. His white t-shirt fit him snuggly around the stomach and his abs were defined enough to show through it. "Joe Boxer?" I smirked as my eyes wandered lower.

"What?" He looked confused before he noticed where my eyes were and laughed nervously. "Oh. Yea." He quickly zipped up his hoodie and ran a hand through his hair. "So what's your story Spencer?" He took a seat on the beanie chair and put his hands behind his head.

"My story?" I sat back and raised my eyebrow.

"Okay, I'll go first. Ask me a question." He sat up and rubbed his hands together. "Anything."

I had to think about it – so many questions ran through my head yet none of them seemed the right thing to ask. I'd go with a simple one. "Where are you originally from?"

"Miami, Florida." Asher smiled and stood up, going towards my open window. "It's different here though. I still have the ocean I can run away to, but somehow L.A. seems better."

"Why'd you move?" I asked a little more quietly.

"Honestly?" He turned around and his brown golden eyes carried sadness in them. "I hated being alone. Christine is always on business trips or flying to the next tropical island with her new man candy of the month. I had no one to watch over me and well," he shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I had no friends really. My ex-girlfriend dumped me and that was it. Miami no longer had room for me in it."

I frowned and looked down at the bed spread. "I'm sorry."

"I told you ask me anything." Asher grinned and slowly sat down next to me. "Now you… have you ever wanted to leave L.A.?"

I snorted and bit my lip, nodding. "Something like that."

"Cryptic." He said slowly with a light smirk. "Care to share?"

"I wanted to leave this life." I looked at him seriously. "I rarely see the point in being here when I'm not talented enough, or smart enough or beautiful enough to have a purpose."

For the first time in my whole life I felt like breaking down – and it was in front of the boy I had just met who was screwing up my perfect lesbian flow.

Ugh!

"Spencer," his soft whisper echoed through my bedroom and then he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers touching the bottom of my chin to guide my gaze to his, "you have to know that you are the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on."

I punched him in the shoulder and he yelped. "Fuck off." I said that with a grin – really.

"I'm being serious!" Asher pouted and rubbed the spot where I hit him. "If you bruised me…" he scowled.

"I'll make up for it." I smiled and he grinned, nodding. "So earlier when you said Christine-"

"Birth mother." He replied quickly. "I don't technically have a Mom. She just claimed me for child support from my Dad. We're on a first name basis and I don't address her in public if we're together."

"Oh." I frowned deeply and tried to wrap around that fucked up situation around my head. It wasn't going helping me any but I decided it was best not to push. We were still acquaintances – hardly friends – no need to step over any boundaries. "I'm sorry."

"Nah don't be," he smiled, "it's been like that for years. It wasn't until two years ago that I found out I had an older sister, Kyla. She flew down to Miami to meet me personally and she's been great – amazing even."

"Well that's good, right?" I smiled encouragingly.

"She got married last year to a Marine, Justin Mathers. Since her mom is from here and his family lives here, they decided to build a home in L.A. This still left me alone in Miami." Asher tried to act all manly and tough but I wasn't stupid. I could see it in his eyes that he had been hurting. "Anyway, when I called her to tell her I was planning on running away, the first thing she said was 'there's always room in my home for you.'"

"Aww." I didn't care how girly that sounded, he was smiling and that made me happy. "She sounds really cool."

"She is." He laughed. "She's annoying too. I think she really wants me to go to school."

"It wouldn't be a bad idea." I teased and bumped his shoulder with mine.

"Says the girl who was trying to skip this afternoon?" Asher raised an eyebrow and laughed when I looked away. "That's what I thought."

A comfortable silence claimed us for a few minutes and was interrupted by a tap on the door. My mom poked her head in and I could tell she was more than shocked to find a boy on my bed.

Aiden didn't count as a guy in my house.

He was one of the girls.

Glen loved bugging him about it.

So the shocked look on my mom's face wasn't all that surprising. "I didn't realize you had company."

"Weird isn't it?" I smirked and stood up. "Mom this is Asher, Asher, my Mom."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. …" Asher paused and leaned towards me, "what's your last name?"

"Carlin." I laughed.

"Carlin. Mrs. Carlin." He stuck out his hand and grabbed her gently. "You have a lovely home."

"You mean I have a lovely room." I corrected and shrugged as Mom gave me this weird look. "He came by to return my book."

"Oh," she smiled at Asher, "are you in Spencer's class?"

"No Mrs. Carlin." He shook his head.

"Asher just moved here from Miami. He doesn't know about school yet." I offered casually and he threw me a grateful look.

"Well welcome to L.A.," Mom smiled and then looked at me, "you are in big trouble for skipping school."

Not in front of him!

I hate parents.

"Actually she went back to school," Asher smiled, "I know this because I walked her there."

Mom raised an eyebrow.

Her lesbian daughter was being walked to school by, well, a boy.

"Oh?" She tilted her head.

"I asked her to join me for lunch and we lost track of time," he scratched the back of his neck, "it was really my fault. Your daughter's just an interesting person to talk with."

He was totally lying for me after I had left him in the park alone.

An amused grin covered my Mom's face. "Really?"

"Bye Mom." I shoved her out the door and shut it, sighing heavily. I looked at Asher's grin and shook my head. "She's going to think you have a thing for me."

Asher smiled and pointed to the clock. "I told Ky I'd be home for dinner," he winked, "your welcome by the way."

"Thank you." I said sincerely and started to walk him downstairs. "And thank you for returning my book."

"A good book needs to be kept by the respectful owner." He shrugged and tugged on his shoes. "So I guess I'll see you around?"

I nodded and grabbed a pen by the desk in the foyer. "Here," I took his hand and wrote my number down on his wrist, "call me whenever."

To say that he looked a little more than surprised was priceless. I must've been acting like a real bitch to get that sort of reaction by giving out my number.

"So I can use this and you won't hang up on me?" Asher asked skeptically and grinned when I nodded. "Cool. I'll call you sometime."

"Bye." I watched him walk away in those baggy jeans.

At that moment instead of freaking out about whatever I felt towards Asher, I was reveling in the fact that he seemed to get me.

It wouldn't hurt to be friends with him, would it?

--


	4. FOUR

_Kinds reviews are love. Thank you :) Don't own the characters._

**CHAPTER FOUR**

***ASHER***

_I could spill my guts out__  
__Wearing my best little girl pout__  
__And I almost missed it__  
__But nobody said that this was gonna be easy_

Growing up in Miami wasn't all that bad. I did have friends when I was younger and I was pretty popular when I hit the seventh grade. Everyone wanted to be me or be with me – young I know, but that was how it was.

I tried to act normal just like all of _them_. I tried to dress the way they did and have my hair perfect like everyone else.

I hated it and I was unhappy.

So I decided to be me and do the things I wanted to do and be who I wanted to be. Granted I'd lost all of my friends by the ninth grade and was classified as the school freak. Whatever, they were jealous that I pulled off a better style than half the guys at the school.

Christine pretty much disowned me earlier on and only because I was a mistake. My dad wanted nothing to do with me either even though he made an effort to call on my birthdays and holidays. What is sad though is that I don't really have a face to go with the voice I talked to twice a year.

I lied – I did have a face to go with his voice. The day he died it was in the media everywhere with him being a famous rock star and producer; Raife 'Danger' Davies.

The media had no clue he had a child let alone two. Kyla was raised by her birth mother who actually cared for her and treated her like a human being.

Christine insisted I keep Raife's last name claiming that there were a lot of 'Davies' in the world. So I did – but it was just a name and I'd rather have his than Christine's. She was still held beneficiary though and was entitled to all that money Raife had left behind. When asked what my relation to the dead rock star was, Christine informed them that I was just another step-kid that was worth nothing.

That was the end of that story. I was a no one really.

I cared yet I didn't. It was nice to know that no one knew who I was in L.A. It was a fresh start for me and it worked out better than I thought the moment I ran into that gorgeous feisty blonde.

Spencer Carlin.

I sat back on the couch and checked my wrist making sure her number was still there. I couldn't help it but whenever I saw her, my pulse would race.

"Hey kid," Kyla came through the front door and shook of the droplets of rain that had just started falling, "productive day?"

"Totally." I grinned and followed her into the kitchen. "I'm thinking of finding a part time job."

"Good because the way you eat, I can't afford you." Kyla teased and opened the fridge, pulling out some Chinese leftovers from the night before. "Seriously though, that's cool, I support you."

"Yea?" I smiled.

"I'd prefer it if you went to school though," she smiled warmly and patted my head, "seriously bro, just think about it."

I sighed and nodded. "I make no promises." I held my hand up to her to strike a deal and she raised an eyebrow at the think black numbers scrolling across my wrist. "What?"

"A number?" She teased and flipped her hair, leaning forward.

"She's just a girl. We met at the park." I shrugged like it was no big deal. It wasn't like I could have a relationship with Spencer – she was a lesbian.

I was the new guy that moved into town.

"What does she do?" Kyla asked, moving to continue heating up the leftovers.

"She's a senior at King High." I watched as she slowly turned around and grinned. "I know that look Ky."

"See? You'd already have a friend on your first day to show you around." Kyla waggled her eyebrows and I scowled. "Whatever. Go pick a movie for us to watch."

--

My alarm went off at 5:30am and I shot up from my bed. I grabbed my iPod, hoodie and scribbled a note for Kyla to let her know I had left for my morning run.

The morning was cool and grey clouds threatened the sky. I made my way down towards the park and smiled at an older couple as they passed me while walking their dog.

"Morning!" I heard someone run up next to me only to find the blue eyed girl that had been haunting my thoughts since we first met.

"Spencer, hey." I laughed and slowed down into a walk, turning off my music. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Shouldn't you be looking for an education?" She smirked and I shook my head, pointing at her.

"You have harsh words that leave your lips, you know that?" I scratched the back of my neck and she offered me a sip from her water. "Are you coming from your ex-girlfriend's house again?"

"No." Spencer smiled softly and breathed in the fresh air. "I was dreaming peacefully when I woke up knowing that I didn't know your last name."

I stopped and breathed quite heavily while looking at her. "So you decided to come stalk me during my morning run because you needed to know my last name?"

She just nodded and shrugged. "You know mine, it's only fair."

"Davies." I grinned and stuffed my hands into my hoodie pockets.

"Common." Spencer smiled and pulled her hair back up in a ponytail, looking at me. "I just figured it'd be something more unique."

"Well trust me, it wasn't my choice." I sighed and bit my lip. "Looks like it's gonna rain."

"Good," Spencer snorted and looked up towards the sky, "I love it when it rains. Washes away the misery."

I looked down briefly and cleared my throat. This beautiful blonde creature was troubled and I had a feeling that she didn't exactly want to be saved at the moment. "It's Friday," I glanced at her and she nodded quietly, "want to skip school and hang out?"

"What?" Spencer threw her head back and laughed. "Really?" Her eyes sparkled a magnetic blue.

"Sure." I shrugged and felt the first drops of rain begin to trickle down. Before I even had a chance to look back at her, we were getting drenched.

Spencer squealed and grabbed my hand. "Come on!" She was laughing and it was music to my ears. It wasn't a sarcastic laugh but one that was genuine.

I was going to take that as a yes.

--

"Favourite colour?" I asked after chewing chocolate chip cookie dough. My weakness.

"Blue." Spencer answered with a grin as she sat back on the floor against the kitchen cupboards.

"Me too." I nodded and watched as she grabbed some more cookie dough as well.

"Favourite movie?" She asked with a small mouthful. I chuckled at the adorableness of her.

"Kill Bill, both volumes." I answered quickly without a second thought.

"I love Lucy Liu in that." Spencer laughed and grabbed her glass of milk.

"Band?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Evanescence." Spencer smiled softly and brushed her fingers through her hair. "You?"

"You're going to laugh." I blushed and shook my head.

"No I won't."

"Yea, you will." I insisted and bit my bottom lip. "Promise?"

"Ash," she giggled and crossed her heart, "I promise."

"I love it when you shorten my name." I confessed and she tilted her head as if she were asking me why. "It's like we're friends."

Spencer frowned and she bit her lip. "You really don't think I like you, do you?"

I shrugged. "You can be kind of mean." I smiled to let her know that I wasn't offended but it was the truth.

"That's just me." She sat up straighter and played with her fingers. "I don't mean to be mean to you," Spencer cast a quick glance at me, "you just kind of came out of nowhere."

"Nowhere?" I raised an eyebrow and studied her lightly pink flushed face.

"Yea," she breathed, "a friend I actually want."

"Oh." I sat back and stared at her.

"I like being alone," Spencer confessed, her eyes looking so vulnerable, "but I like being alone," she paused and closed her eyes, "with you."

"Oh." I repeated and fixed the thin tie that was hung around my neck, trying to fight the urge to dance around like a happy boy freak. "That's really great because I like being alone with you too." I confessed after a few minutes.

Spencer cracked a grin and started to pick at the cookie dough again. "So band?"

"Dashboard Confessional." I shrugged and waited for a fit of giggles to escape the blonde across from me.

"I saw them in concert last year," she grinned, "one of the best concerts I've ever been too."

Before I could respond, we heard the back door shut and in walked Kyla. She stopped and glanced between me and Spencer and smiled, "hey guys."

"Hey!" I stood up and helped Spencer up as well, "this is Spencer, Spence, my sister Kyla."

"Nice to meet you." Spencer smiled and stuffed her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.

Kyla glanced at me and nodded slowly, "likewise. So _Spencer_," she threw me a wink and wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulders, "what did my little brother offer you to have you skip school?"

Spencer shot me a worried look and opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Kyla, leave her alone." I shoved my sister out of the way and grabbed Spencer's hand. I fought the excited surge that shot though my body and tugged Spencer towards the living room.

"I should know when you're recruiting friends to go on strike from school," Kyla hollered from the kitchen with a laugh, "especially if you're doing it eating my cookie dough!"

Spencer giggled and released my hand as we reached the front door. "I had fun but I should go."

"Go?" I pouted and leaned against the wall. "You don't wanna play a little more?"

"I'd love to but I need to face the wrath of my parents and prepare myself for some major grounded damage control." She sighed and bit her lip. "But if you give me your number, maybe I'll call you tonight?"

"Yea?" I smiled and she handed me her cell so I could put my number in.

"See you around, Ash." She opened the door and slipped out of it, our eyes never leaving each other's.

Yea, she was definitely the girl of my dreams.

Too bad she was into girls.

--


	5. FIVE

_A little more background on Asher in this chapter. I realize some of you can't picture Ashley and that's okay, just as long as you keep your mind open to all of this. You're all wonderful with your reviews, thank you. _

_Enjoy!_

**CHAPTER FIVE**

***ASHER***

_And I still taste that sickness  
And it makes me crazy without it at best  
But I'm in the same place I used to be  
But I'm trying harder not to be_

It had been two weeks since Spencer and I had officially become friends. She was over at my house every day after school and we would watch movies, play video games or just talk. Kyla had allowed her to stay for dinner each night and helped Spencer get out of some groundings with her parents under one condition: she never skipped school to hang out with me again.

So I spent my weekdays looking for jobs I _wanted_ while she spent her days bored in class only to come to my house afterwards and blow off her homework so we could hang out.

Two weeks since I had a fresh new friendship with the world's most gorgeous blonde and me being stuck in a position that I tried to avoid – falling for a girl I could never have.

I had yet to meet her other friends but Spencer said I wasn't missing much. She'd much rather be spending her time with me then the friends she made since elementary school.

I wasn't going to complain.

"I'm leaving in ten minutes Ash!" Kyla yelled from down the hall. "Are you sure you don't want to come?" She was going to a flea market with some of her friends but it was a Friday night and I wanted to spend it staying up late with Spencer. We always had something to talk about.

"No!" I hollered back and I heard her sigh. "Maybe next time!" I said a second later and Kyla ran past my closed door squealing because I had agreed to spend time with her.

She was my only family and we'd only known each other for two years.

I considered myself lucky.

I couldn't really admit who I was at that moment. I couldn't tell you the real name on my birth certificate because it wasn't who I was. Kyla had accepted that when she met me and never once questioned it. She came to Miami to meet her little sister and was faced with an awkward teenager dressed like a boy, claiming to be one.

Kyla had also shown she was protective of me and my choices. It was one of her last days visiting me when she picked me up from school and I was cornered by two guys ready to take their shots, telling me to take it like a man if I wanted to be one. She had ran up to them and threw them back so fast and stood in front of me ready to pounce on those guys when they took off squealing like little girls. She was a black belt in karate.

I should've been pissed that she didn't let me handle that all by myself but it was the first time someone had ever stuck up for me and that was the first time she called me her 'lil bro'.

So there I was, two weeks after finding a best friend in Spencer and finding out how attracted I was to her feeling confused and funny. She liked to flirt a lot but then she'd always make up excuses as to why she flirted or just stopped doing it all together for the rest of the day. I wasn't sure if she was just a tease or if she was just as confused as I was.

I wasn't sure if I'd ever know.

I heard Kyla's cell ring and she shrieked because it was Justin calling her for the first time in over a week.

I stood in front of the mirror, my sister's happy voice fading quickly as I stared at myself in the nude. I hated showering and getting dressed because of what was exposed underneath all of my clothes. I'd never look at myself but that morning I had an urge too.

Could I be _her_?

Nothing about me was 'girly' to an outsiders eye, even my voice was deeper than it used to be. Kyla had asked me about six months ago if I was taking or doing anything illegal to help my body change. I hung my head in shame and told her I was taking After-market testosterone pills and she scolded me for being so reckless. I don't think I've ever seen her angry with me before until then but she understood. Kyla went out of her way to find someone she trusts enough to help supply the pills I'd need to change my hormones. I didn't have facial hair yet but I was cool with that – in L.A. I had the whole 'surfer' boy look working for me. I was a pretty boy and that was okay.

Unfortunately as much as Kyla supported me, I had to wait until I was eighteen to look into any further procedures.

I allowed my gaze to wonder down my body and land on my breasts. I swallowed heavily and felt the weight of them in my hands before they traveled lower onto my stomach.

On my bed were the clothes I'd put on and the faux body part I was lacking that I'd pack every day.

I sighed and realized that tears were forming in my eyes and I couldn't understand why. Why was I feeling so curious all of a sudden?

It wasn't me.

I quickly grabbed the wrap I used to flatten my chest and expertly wrapped it around me. I did it with anger and felt the urge to smash the mirror in front of me.

A knock at the door stopped me though. "Hold on." I threw on my boxer shorts and jeans and then a tank top before Kyla had knocked again. "Come in."

"Hey," Kyla's head poked through the door and she immediately frowned at me, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I cut her off short and wiped my eyes, trying to find a shirt to wear.

"Ash…" She stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

"Kyla, nothing's wrong." I forced myself to look at her and hoped she wouldn't see through me. I couldn't get that lucky though.

"If you don't want to talk about it, fine." She smiled and picked out a grey fitted shirt for me. "Just don't lie to me either."

I nodded and realized if anyone should know what was wrong with me, it'd be her; the only one that'd ever support me no matter what – the only one that'd try to understand even though she didn't.

"You like Spencer, right?" I asked quietly.

"Of course I do." Kyla smiled at me and gave me a confused look. "Why?"

"Nevermind." I shook my head and stood up. I wasn't ready to talk about something that was constantly confusing me. I'd give it at least another month or so to see if any of these feelings blew over. Maybe I was just happy that Spencer accepted me as 'Asher' and had no suspicions. Maybe it was because she understood some of the things I had talked about and vice versa.

Maybe it was because for the first time since my sophomore year, I had a friend.

The doorbell rang and Kyla stood up, kissing my cheek. "You know I'm here whenever you're ready." She smiled and walked out of my room to open the door.

I glanced back in the mirror and found myself looking at _him._

I messed my shaggy hair up a bit more and adjusted myself down there.

I smiled.

"Asher?" Spencer's voice rang through the hallway and soon I found her bounding through my door. "Miss me?" She grinned and threw her school bag on my bed, throwing herself backwards.

"Spencer," I laughed, "it's only 1:30. Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Nah," she sat up and ruffled my hair. I found that she liked doing that a lot and I found myself not caring. "Classes were dismissed early due to a mercury spill in the science lab."

"Sweet." I grinned and looked around the empty room. "So what did you wanna do?"

Spencer shrugged and tugged me onto the bed with her, allowing us to sit face to face. "Tomorrow night I've decided to throw a game night or something at my place and I want you to come."

"Of course." I didn't hesitate and smiled. "Who'll be there?"

"Some kids from school and I think you'll like them." Spencer smiled. "They were giving me heck at lunch for not letting them meet you and as you know I don't sh-"

"-share very well, I remember." I laughed lightly and nodded. "I'm there Spence."

"Cool." She leaned back on her hands and bit her lip, looking at me. "You look good."

I smirked and scratched my chin, chuckling slightly. "Thanks." I scanned her body up and down. She was wearing tight denim jeans with a soft blue tank top. "You always look good."

Spencer grinned and shrugged. "Wanna play some Halo and kill some fuckers?"

"Yea." I laughed and she shot up from the bed, grabbing me by the front pockets of my jeans making me feel hot _all over._

The things that girl did to my body.

And my body was betraying me.

--


	6. SIX

**CHAPTER SIX**

***SPENCER***

Carmen stared at me, her eyebrow arched perfectly as she chewed on my last cheese stick that was in the fridge. "I know that look," she pointed at me and I shrugged. "Spencer, who is she?"

"Who?" I looked at her confused.

"The girl who has you zoning out every single second of the day." She blew the bangs out of her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"There is no girl." I protested and threw my own cheese stick wrapper at her.

"Whatever you say, man." She threw her hands up and smirked. "So hey, Milo was over last night and I think that we're going to try and make it work again."

"Milo?" I groaned. I really didn't like that chick. She had at least five things to complain about every day.

"What's wrong with her?" Carmen frowned and followed me into the living room where Aiden and Madison were setting up the game table.

"What's not wrong with her." I mumbled and she kicked me in the back of the leg. "What? Okay fine. Milo never treats you right and when she does it's only because she wants something plus she always has something in her life to complain about. Like she's the only one who's ever had a crappy life?" I said in one fast breath.

"Who?" Aiden and Madison looked up at us, frowning.

"Milo." Carmen said slowly and watched their eyes roll. "She's a great fuck, okay? It's not like I'm getting it anywhere else."

"Yet you're probably getting _everything_ else from her." Madison replied in concern. "Seriously Carm, I'd not even go there."

Carmen looked at me with a pleaded look and I just shrugged. Madison had a point and the truth hurts. "You guys are supposed to be my friends," she sighed.

"We are," Aiden smiled, "which is why we're being honest."

"Milo sucks but if she's who you wanna do then that's your business." I patted her back and placed a bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table.

"Well Spencer has some girl on her mind and she refuses to share." Carmen slapped my back with a cocky grin and I glared at her.

"Since when does Spencer share anything?" Aiden laughed and Madison snickered.

"Fuck you guys," I started to walk back into the kitchen when the door bell rang, "I'll get it, it's probably Chelsea!" I hopped over a bunch of crap on the living room floor and skidded to a stop at the screen door only to find Asher standing there with a bag in his hands. "Hey you." I grinned and he let himself in.

"I thought I'd contribute to game night," he smiled and showed me that his bag was full of candy and drinks, "I wasn't sure what to bring."

"You're sweet." I took the bag away from him and ushered him into the living room where my other friends stared at us. "Guys I'd like you to meet Asher, he lives a few streets over and just moved here from Miami."

"Hi." Asher nodded his head and took off his Nike baseball cap.

Aiden, Carmen and Madison introduced themselves and soon they were all chatting while I decided to put the soft drinks in the fridge. I felt a hand on my hip and turned around to find Asher grinning while helping me put the drinks away. "They're nice."

I nodded and noticed his hand wasn't budging. I continued to put the sodas in the fridge and when I turned around fully, Asher smiled and stepped back.

"Thanks for inviting me." He grabbed a cookie off the plate and bit into it.

"Why are you thanking me?" I snorted and grabbed the plate full of homemade cookies. "You're my best friend," I stopped and stared at him, "you can be anywhere I am."

Asher let out a big grin and followed me into the living room. "So tell me," he sat down on the couch next to Carmen, "any juicy gossip about Spencer here?"

"She's a bitch." Madison shrugged and winked at me.

"He knows that." I brushed it off like it was nothing. "And there is nothing you need to know about me. I'm not 'juicy tidbit' material."

"Whatever." Carmen laughed and shook her head. "She often sneaks out of sixth period to smoke a joint with me."

"Carmen." I glared at her and found Asher laughing. "Why is that funny?"

"I'm just wondering why that shit never mellows you out then." He stopped laughing when I punched him.

"Ow." He growled and rubbed his arm. The guy worked out a lot and was pretty ripped for his size. He was much shorter than Aiden but way cuter.

Yes, cuter.

I've accepted the fact that I found this male specimen cute.

"She's pretty violent too." Aiden threw me a look.

"Why is everyone picking on me?" I raised an eyebrow and slid in between Asher and Carmen. "Why don't we focus off of me and let's get game night started."

Asher and I shared a smile while the others argued over which game to play first.

--

It was late and we were all had sore stomachs from the amounts of sugar we had consumed. "I can't eat anymore." I shoved the candy bowl away from me and propped my feet up on Aiden's outstretched legs.

"When did you lose your virginity, Mads?" Carmen looked at the cheerleader, her head hanging off the couch looking at everyone upside down.

"What?" Madison stopped mid chew on her twizzler and glared at the other girl. "What kind of question is that?"

Asher grinned and sat back, his hands folded over his stomach as he watched in amusement.

"A question that doesn't consist of the board game variety." Carmen shrugged.

"If I answer, you answer." Madison challenged and Carmen sat up, swinging her feet around and staring at the cheerleader.

"No way." She frowned.

"What's wrong, can't remember?" Madison raised an eyebrow.

No, Carmen would remember her first time.

"Next question." I leaned forward.

"I was fifteen," Asher sighed and looked around the room, "she was the prettiest girl in school and she asked me out. We were together for a few months before we took that next step. It was awkward." He frowned but shrugged, throwing me a look. "You?"

I bit my lip and pointed at Carmen, "I'm with her on this one. No way."

Aiden smirked at me when Carmen and I shared a slightly nervous look. "Come on, Madison will tell first and then Carmen, Spencer and then I will say."

"You lost your virginity to your little brother's babysitter. You've bragged about it enough." I smacked him on the leg and he laughed, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Fine." Madison sighed and looked at her nails. "I was fifteen and it was to this older guy in Cancun during my family's vacation."

"Nice." Asher nodded and Madison blushed slightly.

"Go." The cheerleader looked at Carmen, who shot me a pleading look.

I closed my eyes and nodded slowly.

"I was fifteen as well," Carmen picked her at her nails and glanced around the room, "it was right after one of the school's boring dances and we ended up back at her place. We were the best of friends and hadn't even thought about doing anything until that night. She was wearing this dress that so wasn't her, because she never wears dresses and it just really got to me. She looked beautiful and I ended up kissing her against her closet door and then we found ourselves tangled in a heap on her bed…naked."

I listened intently and we made eye contact before she lowered her eyes to the carpet.

"At least yours sounds like it was more than memorable." Asher smiled lightly, probably feeling the slight awkwardness in the room.

"Aww," Madison giggled, "no wonder you wanted to keep that private. You're a softy beneath those 'I wanna die' clothes."

Carmen flipped the bird and got up off the couch. "I need a joint, Spence?"

"Uh," I cleared my throat and shook my head no while catching Asher's gaze, "I'm good, thanks."

"Don't you wanna hear Spencer's first time?" Aiden asked, grabbing Carmen's hand to stop her from moving.

I let out a soft nervous chuckle and wiped my hands on my jeans. "Sharing mine really won't be necessary."

"Are you a virgin?" Asher's eyes widened in shock.

"What?" I laughed hard. "Fuck no, man. I've probably got more girls under my belt than you."

"Ouuuu." Carmen smacked Asher's back. "She just totally burned you."

"Whatever, _man_." He sat up straight. "Come on Spence, why are you so shy about sharing this?"

"Hey yea." Madison frowned.

"I'm not shy," I stood up and grabbed Carmen's hand, knowing full well that a small joint wouldn't hurt after I let the cat out of the bag, "Carmen just beat me to telling you my tale."

"Huh?" Aiden furrowed his eyebrows.

Asher caught on though. He was the only one that caught on and glanced back and forth between Carmen and I. "Wow," he started to laugh, "you mean to tell me you've been friends this whole time and no one knew?"

"Knew what?" Madison sounded like she was about to hyperventilate if no one gave her answers.

"Spencer and Carmen lost theirs together." Asher snickered.

--


	7. SEVEN

_Don't own the characters apart from Stacey. Thank you for the reviews/reading this, as always. :)_

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

***SPENCER***

"_Shut the world out and tear up society, I'__d rather die alone.__"_ Asher read from my myspace page and twirled back around to look at me. "You've got one intriguing mind, you know that?"

"I've been told." I shrugged from my bed and continued to read my book. I felt the bed shift and he sprawled out beside me.

"It's getting late," he whispered, his fingers moved to play with my fingertips, "I should really get going."

"Why?" I turned to lie on my side, throwing my book on the floor beside me. "Can't you just crash here?"

Asher smiled and sat up, bending over to grab his oversized hoodie. "I'd love to but I don't think your parents would like that too much."

My parents?

"Like they'd care." I laughed and rolled off the bed to turn on some music. "Come on, you and I cannot get into any trouble so they won't care."

I pouted, my lips affectively drooping perfectly and it got him every single time. "You are going to be the death of me, Spencer Carlin." He whispered and that one whisper sent shivers down my spine. I swallowed and rolled over on top of him, my arms extending from either side of his head.

"Should I just kill you now or…" I grinned, peering down at him and noticed that he was staring at me intently.

"I think you should pinch me," he smirked, "because having the hottest girl in all of L.A. practically straddling me is enough to know that I'm probably dreaming."

"Eliza Dushku is straddling you?" I raised an eyebrow, trying to play the whole thing off as a joke. Truth was it felt different from topping Stacey or Carmen. It felt more real and scary.

"I wish." He laughed and moved his right hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I really should go, Spence."

I nodded slowly and extracted myself from above him, lying flat on my back staring at the ceiling. That was when everything started to hit me full force. I was in my bedroom alone with a boy who sent my heart racing more than anyone has before.

I was on my bed with this guy who had often entered my dreams and realized I was attracted to him.

Sexually even.

I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts out and I didn't even notice that Asher was standing up, looking at me.

"I had fun tonight," he whispered and put a knee on the bed, "thank you for inviting me."

I sat up and smiled softly. "I told you that you were pretty much the only one I wanted to see."

"Spence?" He crawled back onto the bed and cupped my cheek gently. "I just need you to know that I really want to stay here with you tonight."

"Then stay." I whispered. "Please?"

I was having a fight with myself inside. I wanted Asher closer to me every second yet at the same time I didn't know what it really meant. There was something about him that scared me yet made me crave him all at the same time.

"I shouldn't." He stressed and dropped his hand into his lap, a sad look crossing over his face.

"Please?" I asked again and his brown eyes met mine.

Asher didn't answer me verbally; he just smiled and nodded slowly. I grinned and jumped off my bed to find him a clean pair of Glen's flannel pants and a t-shirt.

Asher changed in the bathroom and I was already curled underneath my covers, eyes feeling droopy. I heard him enter the bedroom and the bed dipped from behind me. He whispered my name but I didn't answer him. I just laid there staring at the wall while feeling him crawl beneath the blankets to get situated.

A few minutes went by and I heard him sigh softly. "I wish you could be the one." I swallowed at his words and closed my eyes tightly and then I felt my hair be moved from my shoulder and his lips by my ear. "Night gorgeous," then his soft lips were on my cheek before he settled down on his back.

--

The sun had just started to peer through my window and I knew that the other side of my bed was empty. It had to be because the room was always warmer when Asher was in it yet it was cold when I woke up.

I turned over to find a small note in perfect writing and sighed.

_Spence,_

_Kyla needed me home early but thank you for the awesome evening and letting me crash in your more than comfortable bed._

_I took Glen__'__s clothes and I__'__ll wash them and give them back._

_Call you later._

_Ash ox_

I groaned and pouted, wanting to throw a fucking fit that he wasn't there beside me when I woke up.

Damn Kyla.

I tucked the note into my night stand drawer and pulled myself out of bed, making my way towards the shower.

While the steaming water drenched my body, I started to really think about the situation I was in. I was a lesbian falling for my best friend who happened to be a boy.

There was something wrong with that picture yet it all felt so… right.

I was confused. I'd never felt that way before and not even with Carmen. Sure, we slept together and yea, it was more than once but it never developed more than just a random lay every now and then. I never felt like I could love her, and even with Stacey, sure we had good times and I used the 'I love you' but did I mean it?

Was I just saying I loved Stacey because I felt like it was the right thing to say when dating someone for over a year?

Could I really know what love was at seventeen?

Better yet, was I really thinking I could _love_ Asher?

I'd known him for nearly a month and every moment I spent with him got better and better. To be perfectly honest, I often forget his gender because it wasn't what I focused on while around him.

Except for last night when I straddled him. I realized that I could see myself kissing him. I could see myself being _with_ him if given the perfect opportunity. It confused the fuck out of me because I just didn't think that was possible.

I shook my head and finished washing up in the shower. I'd spend some alone time with myself to try and figure out exactly where my head was.

--


	8. EIGHT

_We're digging deeper into these two as a whole and as individuals as the story progresses. No worries though, I won't keep you hanging for too long!_

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

***ASHER***

"You couldn't have called?" Kyla raised an eyebrow as soon as I walked in the door at six in the morning. I couldn't be near Spencer any longer than I was because I was losing all self-control with my body.

"Sorry." I managed to say through a yawn. "We ended up watching movies late and then I just crashed at her place."

Kyla smirked and nodded slowly. "Better watch it bro," she patted my shoulder, "you have that 'I have a crush on my best friend' look and you don't know how dangerous that is."

Tell me about it.

"It's just a small crush." Why deny it?

"A small crush that'll escalate if you let it." Kyla sighed and patted my head. "Just be careful with that one, Ash. Please?"

She didn't have to tell me twice because I knew that falling for Spencer was one of the dumbest things I'd ever done. Given that I had yet to decide to tell her the truth about me.

It was getting harder and harder keeping it a secret from her but at the same time I just wasn't ready to come out and say "oh by the way, I was born a girl. I have all the parts if you don't believe me."

That'd go over smoothly.

I decided to change into my track pants and t-shirt to go work out in the small gym Kyla and Justin set up for me down in the basement. I kept myself in really good shape. Every day I had to run or at least work out for a little bit.

It was so hard to sleep next to Spencer. It was so hard not to reach out and hold her against me while she slept so peacefully. It was so hard not to bring her lips to mine when she was leaning above me the night before.

That girl was making me crazy and I wasn't really sure if she realized it.

After being down in the basement for about a half hour, I decided it was time to shower and decide what I was going to do on a boring Sunday afternoon.

"Company!" Kyla yelled down the stairs and I panicked slightly knowing the only friend I had was Spencer and she was the only one who knew where I lived. I quickly wrapped a towel around my neck and moved to the stairs, only to find her staring at me from the top.

"Hey Spence," I said as normal as I could and started to climb my way up towards her, "this is a pleasant surprise."

Spencer smiled and shrugged. "I was bored and you left so abruptly this morning I didn't get a chance to offer you breakfast."

I couldn't help but give her a heartwarming smile and swore that her cheeks were turning slightly red. "Just let me grab a shower."

"So I can take you out for breakfast?" Spencer sounded excited and it was a far cry from the girl I met over a month ago. "Okay hurry because they stop serving breakfast at eleven."

Okay maybe not, she was still bossy.

I saluted and squeezed her hand on my way by to the stairs towards my bedroom.

I'd have to have the quickest shower and get myself 'together' within fifteen minutes.

--

***SPENCER***

So much for spending a day alone with my thoughts.

I couldn't help it – he was like a drug and I knew that wasn't a good thing. I should be scared and running the other way yet I found myself oddly attached to him.

Ugh.

Why couldn't I have been in love with Carmen or something? Why did Stacey have to dump my ass when she did? Why did Asher have to show up and be amazing and breathtaking and the most beautiful human being I had ever laid eyes on?

I had no answers.

"So how is school going?" Kyla asked me as we sat down in the living room.

"Good." I nodded with a small smile, my eyes drifting up towards the stairs.

"He likes you, Spencer." Kyla's voice ripped through me and I quickly found myself gaping at her. "I mean, he cares about you a lot obviously."

"I care about him too." I said carefully and felt my heart pound just a little harder. It was like she was about to bust my secret – like she was about to confirm what I was feeling vocally when in reality I had yet to say it out loud myself.

I was falling for Asher Davies.

"Really?" She eyed me up protectively and I felt more than uncomfortable. "Last I heard you liked girls."

"Last I heard; that was none of your business." I smarted off before I even had a chance to think about what I was going to say. Normally I wouldn't give a flying fuck but Kyla was Asher's sister. Kyla was Asher's family and I _cared_ what she thought of me.

I winced at my own tone but was surprised when she smiled softly. "I like you Spencer," she shrugged and leaned forward, "it would be a shame if I had to kick your ass if you ever hurt my brother. He's been through a lot."

I swallowed and nodded slowly. "I'll never hurt him." I said with all the sincerity I was feeling.

"Hey." Asher came down the stairs a few minutes later in a fresh new t-shirt, jeans that were slightly tighter and his hair was gorgeous. "So where are you taking me?" He grinned cheekily and I couldn't help but melt under his brown eyes and smile.

"I was thinking that little breakfast shop downtown?" I shrugged and grinned a bit when he nodded enthusiastically.

"You two have fun." Kyla waved to us as we headed for the door. "Oh and Ash, please remember that you need to start looking for a job or else your ass is going to school!"

I laughed when he rolled his eyes and closed the door. "Aw she just cares about you."

"I know." Asher smiled and bit his lip before taking my hand in his. We both looked down at our laced hands and I knew that moment marked that there was change in the air between us. I didn't want to let him go, I didn't want that warm tingly feeling he gave me with every touch and look, to go away.

But it did.

He cleared his throat, letting go of his grip and laughed nervously while scratching the back of his neck. "Did you want to walk or drive?"

"A stroll through the park never gets old." I suggested and he grinned widely at me.

"Lead the way gorgeous." Asher placed a hand on the small of my back and I felt like a little school girl virgin. You know the ones that find any touch of a guy or a girl sending them through the roof with that orgasmic bolt and you blush profusely for thinking such a thing?

I was hardly a virgin.

I hardly blushed.

With Asher I find myself doing that a lot lately. Blushing and getting that feeling that I'd never been touched before.

It was getting ridiculous.

He was my best friend.

He was a _he_.

The sun was shining however and his chocolate eyes sparkled brightly so I decided to freak out the second I got home.

I'd enjoy the time I have with him.

"I like your friends." Asher broke the silence as we entered the park. "They were nice."

I shrugged and smirked. "They're okay I guess."

"Considering you slept with one, I'd hope so." He teased and nudged me slightly. "You two aren't…"

"Ew no." I turned my face up in disgust. "Carmen and I are just friends. It happened, we moved on and she likes girls who treat her like crap."

"What?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing," I waved my hand and put my head down, "it's just she's in love with her ex-girlfriend who treats her like scum yet she can't seem to see it that way."

Asher looked across the pathway and then towards the sky. "Sometimes it's hard breaking away from that one person you find yourself needing or thinking about all the time. Whether they are bad to you or not, they occupy your mind and the rest of your body is kind of determined to keep up, you know?" He squinted at me with a soft smile. "Sometimes other people can't get lucky with the ones that they find themselves attracted too."

I swallowed as the fullness of his mouth turned into the most genuine smile I'd ever seen. He wrapped his arm around my waist and squeezed me to his side for a brief second before letting me go yet again. "Carmen just needs some guidance. She needs to find someone she can feel stronger with and not inferior to." He looked at me even deeper. "Someone like you."

For a moment there the air caught in my throat and I couldn't speak. I hated that he made _me_ speechless.

I had to break that moment.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm not that person. I'm not one to help people with feeling strong and shit."

He looked a little taken aback. "Spencer, you are that person whether you like it or not."

"No." I said more firmly. "I'm the girl who doesn't feel. Who doesn't _want_ to feel."

Asher stuffed his hands in his pockets and slumped his shoulders a bit, shrugging. "You make me feel stronger around you. You make me feel like I can be anyone I want to be and not feel stupid or weak."

I stopped and frowned, tilting my head to the side slightly. "What?" What did that mean?

"Look," he stopped and turned to face me, "you're a beautiful smart young woman who has it together even though you'd like to think you don't. You're sure of yourself deep down but in reality you want people to think you're angry at the world and you could care less what happens the day your world dies. We both know that's shit and if you want me to pretend that is who you are, then I will. For you. But Carmen is really lucky to have an honest friend in you and I think if you just help her realize that this other girl is no good for her, she'll thank you for it later on."

Yea…at that _exact_ moment he managed to weasel his beautiful hands deep down into my body and steal my heart and soul, reading me completely.

How the fuck was I supposed to feel about that?

I fought back the tears. The tears of confusion, the tears of finally finding someone who understands who I am _not._

Someone perfect.

Someone who I wouldn't have given a second thought towards a few months prior because Asher wasn't a beautiful brunette with a killer rack.

Asher was a beautiful brunette with killer eyes, a heart melting smile and someone I could see myself falling harder for if I allowed it.

Which I would.

Asher Davies was special…

…and he scared the hell out of me.

--


	9. NINE

**CHAPTER NINE**

***SPENCER***

It had been a couple of weeks since having breakfast with Asher. We still hung out almost every day but the air between us was undeniably different.

I threw my books on the picnic table outside the school, making Aiden and Madison stare up at me in annoyance. "What?" I barked and grabbed a stunned Carmen by the arm and yanked her with me towards a secluded area by the gym doors.

"What is your trauma?" Carmen frowned and pulled her arm back, staring at me.

"Are you seeing Milo?" I asked in a not so nice tone.

"What's it to you?" She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. "Why do you care who I date?"

"I'm your friend." I stated and leaned against the hard brick wall. Asher's words from a couple weeks ago replayed non-stop in my head. "I care about you."

"That's a first." She snorted and flicked her long hair behind her shoulder, glaring at me. "Spencer, Milo gives me attention that I need. I don't get it from home and-"

"What about me?" I asked, glaring at her.

"When do you have time for me anymore?" Carmen raised her voice slightly. "You're never around anymore. You're always with Asher."

"I thought you liked him." I murmured quietly, nervously.

"I do," Carmen sighed and leaned against the wall next to me, "I just miss you more."

"Have you asked your Dad if you can move in with him?" I blew hair out of my eyes and turned to face her. Carmen's mom's wasn't the best place to be raised in but she had no other options until she got her father to agree that she could move in with him.

The only problem was…

"He lives in Boston Spence," she sighed heavily, "he doesn't want me to move until the summer."

"Well tell mommy dearest to fuck off the next time she tries to blame you for shit." I said in a hateful tone. "God I hate that bitch."

"Whatever." Carmen dug into her pocket and pulled out a small baggy full of weed. "Please join me this time? You owe me."

"Fine." I smiled and nodded, shoving the baggy back in her front pockets. "Will you stop seeing Milo? There are other girls out there for you who will actually treat you with some respect."

"God Spencer." Carmen glowered at me and shook her head. "Just drop the Milo shit okay? I don't go and tell you who you should or should not sleep with."

"You have enough crap to deal with at home Carmen!" I sighed.

"Just stay out of it, okay?" She pushed herself off the wall and whirled around to stand in front of me. "If I told you to stay away from Asher, would you?"

"Carmen…"

"No, don't tell me it's different. Asher likes you, anyone can see it. Instead of you being in my shoes, you're in Milo's. You're going to hurt him with the way you flirt and act when he's around. So, if I were to tell you to back off or tell him to back off from you, would you be happy about it?"

"You have no clue what you're talking about!" I glared at her. "You know nothing about my relationship with Asher."

"Exactly." She leaned in close. "You don't have a clue what Milo's like when we're alone. You wouldn't ever know. So how about we make a deal, I stay out of your love life and you stay the fuck out of mine."

"Fine!" I screamed and moved past her but Carmen caught me and prevented me from moving any further. "Let go."

"What do you want from me?" She whispered shakily. "We've been through so much together Spence and I can't stand that we're arguing over something so petty."

"Petty?" I raised an eyebrow, not believing what I'm hearing. "That girl tears you down and you just fucking take it! Jesus Christ Carmen, we're seventeen and we should be enjoying our newfound relationships and not be tied down to controlling bitches. I care about you and I don't like the way she makes you question yourself all the fucking time."

I had to breathe.

"You don't know a single thing about her." She eyed me.

"I know she's made you cry countless times and you've knocked on my bedroom window many nights for comfort because of how 'unloved' she made you feel." I replied quietly. "But you're right. It's your life, what the hell do I know?" I ripped my arm from her and she caught me yet again, spinning me around.

The broken look in her eyes was heart breaking.

Asher was right, Carmen deserved someone who could treat her with respect.

"Carm," I breathed, cupping her face and pressing my forehead against her, "I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and I just want you to be happy."

She swallowed but said nothing.

I don't know how it happened but I found myself against the brick wall with Carmen's body pressed against mine and her lips mapping out my own. I tangled my hands in her hair and kissed her back because that was what she needed.

Right?

As lips slid against each others with a sense of familiarity, I had to wonder why the fuck was I kissing my best friend. My best friend Carmen. I tried to picture us in bed together, hot and bothered but it didn't work. Kissing her was doing _nothing_ for _me_. Not like it used too.

Asher's face flashed through my mind and I ripped my lips away from Carmen's. We found ourselves staring at each other with confusion.

"Oh God Spence, I'm so sorry!" Carmen panicked and stumbled back, her hand over her mouth while staring at me. "I- I-"

"It's okay." I whispered and licked my own lips, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "It's okay," I repeated quieter that time.

"No, no it's not!" Carmen shook her head and ran the opposite way.

I noticed a couple of Aiden's jock friends staring at me and I flipped them off.

I made my way to the picnic table and found it oddly quiet. "What's up?" I asked as three pairs of eyes stared at me.

"Carmen grabbed her stuff and took off crying. What did you do to her?" Chelsea frowned, not understanding.

"I told her she needed to dump her bitch of a girlfriend." I shrugged like I wasn't affected, but I was. I was deeply affected because I somehow managed to screw up one of the most important friendships I'd ever had. Even though I acted like I didn't care about them, I did. I really did.

"Nice kiss with Carmen, Spencer." Some cheerleader laughed with her posse and I closed my eyes tightly.

"What?!" Aiden's eyes bulged out of his head, looking at Madison.

"Fuck off." I grabbed my books and took off down the path towards the school.

"Excuse me," I heard a familiar voice and turned around to find the one and only Asher standing there with a backpack and an adorable smile, "I'm new here and I can't seem to find my way around, would you be so kind and helping a poor fellow out?"

"Asher!" I couldn't help but cheer up immediately and wrap my arms around his neck, giving him a hug. I could do that forever. "Are you going to school here?"

"Yea." He laughed slightly and shrugged. "Turns out I'm not retail material yet – plus I wanted to see what all the King High drama was about."

"Oh." I managed to smile slightly but my happiness was brought back down when I noticed Carmen in the parking lot, leaning against her beat up car, picking at her nails. "Speaking of which," I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder, "could you give me five minutes? I need to do some damage control." He followed my gaze and nodded slowly. "Aid, Mads and Chels are over there, I'll be there in a few."

"Okay." Asher smiled softly.

King High drama.

The school had seen nothing yet.

I felt the drama was just about to hit the fan.

--


	10. TEN

**CHAPTER TEN**

***ASHER***

I watched as Spencer climbed into the passenger side of Carmen's car. They didn't look happy and I was about to ask Aiden what happened when the bell rang. Chelsea offered to show me around my classes since I had the first two with her.

"Are they okay?" I asked, pointing in the direction of the parking lot.

"Yeah," Chelsea smiled softly, "they always butt heads but manage to kiss and make up…"

"Literally." Aiden laughed.

"Aiden you airhead, shut up." Madison smacked the back of his head while they continued in an opposite direction.

"Ever since they came clean about sleeping together, Aiden cannot shut up about it." Chelsea sounded annoyed. "I guess you guys like that sort of thing, right?"

"What thing?" I asked slowly.

"You know, two girls getting together?" Chelsea blushed and I shook my head gently.

"Any guy would think that's hot," I said honestly, "but it's never hot if it isn't real, you know? I mean, I don't get off on the cheesy porn."

"Ew." She managed to laugh and break my gaze from Spencer's direction. "That was gross. I did not need that image of you."

I winked and followed her inside. "So what did Aiden mean by 'literally'?" I asked quietly, not even noticing the looks I was getting from the other students. I briefly forgot I was 'the new guy'.

"Hey Chelsea," I heard someone come up behind us and was met with beautiful green eyes to say the least, "who's this fine piece of fresh meat?"

I chuckled and offered my hand. "Asher Davies."

"Nice name, I like it." The girl smiled and her eyes lingered on mine a little longer than normal. "I'm Stacey Kit."

Chelsea shared a small smile. "He's new here and I was just showing him to our homeroom."

"Oh well I'll tag along. I have the same homeroom too." She winked and looped her arm through mine. "So where are you from, Asher?"

"Uh," I cleared my throat and stayed polite while the strange girl hung off my arm, "Miami, Florida."

"Long ways from home, aren't you?" Stacey laughed and I noticed an eye roll escape Chelsea.

"Yea." I nodded with a tight smile.

I had nothing else to say.

A second bell rang and I was ushered into a classroom. Chelsea sat me next to her and hissed at Stacey as she sat down on the other side of me. "That is not your spot."

"So?" Stacey looked around. "She's not even here. She's probably showing her girlfriend a good time."

"Whatever you bitter bitch." Chelsea scoffed. "You're just jealous that she didn't take your fat ass back the last time."

"You have no clue what you're talking about Lewis." Stacey flashed me a nervous smile.

Chelsea shrugged at me and sat quietly as the teacher strolled in.

--

***SPENCER***

We both watched the students rush towards the school as the bell rang. I noticed Chelsea take Asher under her wing and smiled in thanks.

"Why'd you do it?" Carmen's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Why'd I do what?" I asked quietly.

"Kiss me back."

"Why'd you kiss me in the first place?" I countered and she shrugged, looking out her side of the window. "Carmen…"

"Because you were doing it again. You were being my safety net and making me feel loved."

"You are loved." I frowned and she slowly turned her head to look at me. "I do love you. I meant what I said."

"Why can't Milo be that way?" Carmen snorted and picked at her nails again. She was chipping away all of her bold black nail polish.

I bit my tongue not wanting to make another bad remark. "Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh," I shrugged, "I mean I don't know the girl and you were right, I don't know what she's like when it's just the two of you."

Carmen wiped her eyes and moved her thumb to her lips, biting the nail. "Pretty much as you see her."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, Spencer." Carmen sighed. "Why do you have to be so right all the time? I was fine living in my dream bubble."

Dream bubble? "Yea okay." I shook my head, not believing a word she was saying. "I wanted to see if you still made me feel things. I wanted to see if I was just going crazy or whatever." I whispered.

"What?" She looked at me confused.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly. I had to make it like I was ripping off a band-aid. God, coming 'out' wasn't even close to being as hard as it was to 'go in' and admit that I liked Asher.

Really, really liked him.

"I'm falling really hard and it's scaring me." I looked up slowly to meet Carmen's wide grey eyes. "Oh God," I laughed nervously, "not with you. I'm not in love with you."

"Oh good God!" Carmen laughed out loud, "you were about to give me a heart attack. I was going to have to find the words to let you down gently."

"No need." I smirked slightly.

"Wow," she breathed, "so who?"

I took a deep breath and I didn't even realize that I was shaking. Why was it so hard?

"Are you okay?" Carmen asked slightly concerned.

"This isn't easy for me," I smiled embarrassedly. "What I'm about to say has never once left my mouth. Not even when I was little."

"Okay…"

"I like a guy." I rushed out those four words and closed my eyes, swallowing thickly, my heart beating harder than ever before. "I like Asher."

Carmen stared at me with her mouth hung open. She shook her head slightly and pretended to clean out her ears. I couldn't blame her, it was just as shocking to me when I discovered it. "Asher? As in the guy with uh, body parts you've only ever used in silicone?"

"Carmen!" I frowned but couldn't help but laugh. "God this is serious shit right here. I just told you what may be the most frightening thing ever. I have feelings for a _guy_."

"Wow," she breathed, her head leaning against the window, "I need a moment to process this."

I sighed. "That's why I kissed you back. Most of the time I can feel something, you know? Not that I ever thought about you, it's just that," I felt myself stumbling over my words, "it's just that whenever I'm around Asher, I feel funny. I feel like I've never been kissed before. Oh! Remember how Madison was the first time she laid eyes on Aiden?"

"Ew." Carmen chuckled and bit her lip. "Wow, that's pretty serious."

"I'm a freak." I nodded to myself, throwing my hands up in the air. "I'm a lesbian falling in love with a boy, freak! I can't stuff myself back in the closet!"

Panic much, Spencer?

"Calm down," Carmen scolded and slipped a hand into her pocket. "Let's go burn some of this shit and talk about the situation you're in." The baggy she held in her hand was full of that green stuff that made me feel gooey inside. "You in?"

"Light that fucker up." I smirked.

--

I scanned the quad area and noticed two extra people sitting at _my_ picnic table that was supposed to be left for me. I was still a fan of being a loner but someone in the Universe wanted me to have friends.

"Is that Stacey?" Carmen whispered in my ear the moment I saw my ex place her hand on Asher's arm, laughing at him.

I guess the only satisfaction going through my mind at that time was the fact that Asher's smile wasn't reaching his eyes when it came to Stacey.

My ex-girlfriend Stacey.

"She's touching my Asher!" I pouted and grabbed Carmen's hand, marching over towards _my_ fucking table. "Why are you here?" I asked the shocked brunette.

"Eating lunch." She stared at me dumbly.

"Please, you've never really wanted to sit at this table when we were together so why now?" I raised an eyebrow and caught Asher's eye after I finished my question.

"Oh," he looked over at the ex, "you're that Stacey?"

"Leave, Kit." I demanded and she refused. I hated it when she'd refuse me, before she said it was just because she liked seeing me get all worked up but that was then.

"I think I like being where I am," Stacey murmured, her hand placed on Asher's knee, "besides, your friends weren't complaining."

I gave them all the death glare as they looked down immediately.

Asher shifted and stood up, his hand grabbed my wrist. "Wanna go for a walk?"

I could feel Stacey staring at me. She wasn't exactly a full blown lesbian – she was dating Glen when I started pursuing her. What a mistake that was.

"Sure." I nodded and the rest of the gang just shrugged while Carmen made a crude gesture with her hand and mouth, smirking.

"I'll see you around Asher!" Stacey called out and I flipped her off behind my back.

Yea, I was jealous.

It happens.

"So that was the ex, huh?" He laughed nervously.

"Yea." I nodded slowly. "Sorry I missed this morning."

"Everything okay between you and Carmen?" Asher smiled softly and grabbed my book bag, tossing it over his shoulder while my arm looped through his.

"Yeah," I sighed and we sat down at a bench near the curb of the parking lot, "I pissed her off which I'm really good at doing."

"What happened?" He pried softly.

"I took your advice and told her to let her loser girlfriend go." I shrugged and blew some hair out of my eyes.

"Well now," Asher laughed, "you don't expect her to take it well when you tell her what to do, do you? It's her decision."

"I know." I looked at him and looked down again. "Ash?"

"Mmm?"

"I don't want there to be any secrets between us." I smiled and he seemed to share the same sincere smile. "So, I think I should tell you that earlier this morning, Carmen kissed me," I paused as his eyes widened slightly, "and I kissed her back _briefly_."

"Oh." Asher nodded his head and looked past the parking lot, his arm dropping from behind me. "I thought you two-"

"We're not." I rushed out. "God we're so not. It's just… it happened. I mean, I…"

"It's okay." His brown eyes slid to my gaze and a soft smile formed on his face. "It's not like you have to explain it to me, you like girls plus you and Carmen have a history."

_Ugh. No, I like you!_

"History is the key word. The kiss should've never happened but she kissed me first and I was trying to see if I felt something for her." I frowned. I wasn't saying that right but how could I without giving myself away?

I was scared and confused.

"You think you like her?" Asher raised an eyebrow.

"No. No." I shook my head. "I have my eye on someone else and it's confusing. I mean, really confusing."

Asher seemed to understand as he stood up and grabbed my hand. "Well while you figure it out, how about we hang out until next class, what do you say?"

God he was perfect.

"Did you like Stacey?" I teased and he laughed, his eyes twinkling.

"Really not my type," he smirked, "besides, I have my eye on someone else as well. We can be confused together."

Huh, that sounded really nice.

"You totally got high earlier, didn't you?" Asher laughed when we made a stop at the cafeteria and I grabbed munchies.

"Uh, no?" I sheepishly grinned. "Fine but Carmen made me."

"Sure she did." Asher snickered and took my food tray, carrying it for me. "Please don't leave me again? My first day and all."

"I won't." I promised and we sat down at a far table. "I'm all yours."

Blue and brown seemed to have stayed fused together and I felt the energy crackling around us. His lip turned up into a smile and his head nodded. My hand found his underneath the table and we both looked away shyly.

"I really like the sound of that." Asher finally whispered.

Yea, me too.

--


	11. ELEVEN

_I know you all want Spasher kisses and in time I'll get to that, promise. ;) Thank you for the kind reviews and for reading. I don't own SoN or the characters._

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

***ASHER***

I wasn't sure what to think of Spencer anymore. I didn't mean that in a bad way, I just meant that everything between us changed dramatically my first day of school at King High. She held my hand under the cafeteria table the whole time she ate her munchies.

_She _held _my _hand.

I was in heaven for the first time in my life and it seemed that Spencer made me feel that way a lot lately.

I had been a Senior at King High for nearly two weeks and my sister was quite impressed that I hadn't even cut a class yet. I have all my classes with Spencer but one and that happened to be gym glass.

Kyla had helped me come up with an excuse not to complete that class. It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences ever and it was bad enough when I went to the boys bathroom - I had to use the one stall they put in each one.

Luckily, no one seemed to think differently. Even though I didn't play any type of sport, I was still getting to be pretty well known. Madison introduced me to her cheerleading friends, Aiden introduced me to the jocks, Chelsea introduced me to her artist friends and Carmen introduced me to… a bong.

I was pretty happy in that environment and for a while there, I forgot why I had cut school out of my life completely.

A big bonus was Spencer being there all of the time though. She kept her promise and never left my side. And since I was getting to be slightly popular and Spencer was my best friend, her dream of being a loner never lasted that long.

"So what exactly do you do when you say you're up here doing your homework?" Kyla entered my bedroom and sat down on my bed.

"Day dream." I shrug and smile, biting the tip of my pencil. "Has Spencer called?"

"Not yet." Kyla looked over at the clock above my dresser. "Give her five more minutes." She took a deep breath and I could tell she was about to give me her 'big sister' speech. "Are you sure she's the one?"

"Maybe?" I sighed heavily and closed my science book. "I don't know, I just feel like she's _something_."

"A lesbian." Kyla confirmed.

"We're best friends." That was my only defense mechanism because that was all I had with Spencer thus far.

Flirting was a big thing between us but it never progressed into anything further because I was scared and she was scared. We were teenagers and we liked to make things more dramatic than they should be.

"Are you ever going to tell her?" Kyla bit her lip and leaned back on my bed.

"Tell her what?" I played dumb.

"You know what, Ash." She raised an eyebrow. "I accept the fact that you're my _brother_ and you want to live your life your way. I respect that. But you're dragging this poor girl along for the ride."

"What do you mean?" I sat up from my bed and stared at my older sister. "I'm not dragging her anywhere."

"Please," she laughed, "I can feel you two pulling towards each other without actually getting physical."

My eyes met the blue comforter on my bed. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't want to ruin that and I'm just not ready to tell her. I will – just not now."

Kyla frowned and stood up. "Just make it soon, kay? I'd hate to see you hurt just as bad."

How could I tell Spencer that underneath my clothes, I wasn't who I said I was?

--

I straightened the collar on my shirt and my tie that hung loosely around my neck and held the single rose behind my back. I reached over slightly and rang the door bell.

I was nervous because I didn't know where the courage came from to stop by the flower shop on my way to her house, but it happened. It happened as if I were on auto-pilot and now that I was standing at her doorstep, I was feeling a little silly.

The door opened and I found myself staring into those blue eyes that I could drown in. "Ash." Her smile was more than wide and I couldn't help but grin in response. "You look all spiffed up in your tie," she leaned forward, her fingertips grazing the black tie, "you got a date?"

I swallowed and twirl the rose between my fingers behind my back before nodding. "As a matter of fact, I do."

I could see the look of disappointment crossed her face. "Oh, uh, did you need me to help you with your hair or something? It looks like it's getting longer."

I laughed and ran my hair through the shagginess of it and shook my head. "No." I watched as she fidgeted with her fingers. "Hold out your hand," I whispered and she did, while closing her eyes, "I didn't say close your eyes." I teased.

Spencer blushed and bit her bottom lip, her eyes opening slowly. She gasped when I revealed the single long stemmed red rose. Her eyes blinked before they captured mine and I cleared my throat.

"You look beautiful Spence," I sighed softly and grabbed her free hand, "I was hoping you'd take a walk with me? Maybe I can buy you dinner and just hang out?"

I could see her looking at the rose intently before clutching it to her chest. "Are you – did you just ask me out?"

I shrugged and blushed. "Yeah, I just asked you out."

Silence became a constant barrier between us but luckily they weren't totally uncomfortable moments.

"I need to change." Spencer finally turned around and before I knew it, the door was slammed in my face. I stared at it a little baffled and leaned against it, turning around to face the quiet street. An old beat up Camero pulled up and out came Carmen.

"Hey dude," she patted me on the shoulder and leaned against the door with me, "what are we doing outside?" Carmen whispered.

"Waiting for Spencer." I smiled and pushed myself off the door. "You here to see Spence?"

"Duh." Carmen snorted and zipped up her tight black hoodie. "Why don't we just go in?"

"Uh," I shuffled my foot against the pavement and swallowed, "I don't know?"

"Oh man, do you two have plans?" Carmen asked, her eyebrows furrowing in worry.

"Sort of. I just asked if she'd like to grab something to eat with me." I nodded and knew how close Spencer and Carmen were, "um, did you want to join us?"

"Oh no." Carmen laughed. "No no, you two go have dinner. I actually just wanted to tell her some good news."

"Yea?" I smiled and we both turned to see Spencer standing there with a yellow low cut shirt and black low-riders, her hair tucked behind her ears.

"Holy fuck." Carmen's mouth dropped and I pushed her jaw up from off the ground. She blushed and batted my hand away, looking at her best friend. "Who the fuck is the lucky gal?"

I had a hard time keeping my eyes off the blonde in front of us as well so I couldn't blame the raven haired girl. "You look amazing." I finally managed to find my voice.

"Thanks." Spencer blushed and closed the door behind her. "And the lucky gal is Asher." She said quietly.

Um, yea, I guess you could say I was a lucky _gal_ – all things considered.

Carmen snapped her head my way and raised an eyebrow. "You do realize you turned my best lesbian friend, straight right?"

"Um," I shifted a little and Spencer just shrugged, "sorry?"

"Ugh." Carmen smirked and started to walk backwards. "You two are disgusting. Go have fun!" She got to her car and hollered at us. "I broke it off with Milo!" And then Carmen was out of sight.

"It's about time." Spencer spoke as we watched the camero disappear. "I'm happy for her."

I nodded and found a slim hand in my own. I squeezed Spencer's hand and started to swing our hands between us as we walked towards the park. "Do you like Greek?"

"I do." Spencer nodded.

"Good because I made us reservations at Greek Mansion." I nervously wiped my free hand on my pants and felt her eyes on me. I was scared to look at her. I was scared to see what I'd find written across her achingly beautiful face.

"You thought this out, didn't you?" Spencer whispered and I chanced a glance at her. Luckily she was watching where she was walking and I fixed my loose tie.

"Maybe." I managed to grin sheepishly and we finally looked at each other. "I know I have a fat chance seeing as you are a lesbian, but I couldn't help but try." My heart hammered in my chest after confessing my intentions about the night. Her smile seemed to have eased me a little though.

"Well," Spencer stopped and moved to stand in front of me, "you succeeded." She whispered before I felt her lips pressed softly against my cheek.

I didn't know where that left us and at that moment, I really didn't care. I was spending time with a girl who really cares about me.

I'd tell her about my not so small secret.

One day, I'd tell her.

But the time was not right.

Not yet anyway.

--


	12. TWELVE

_I know some of you are getting a little impatient with this whole "when's he gonna tell her" deal. It'll happen, believe me... the results are both expected and surprising. Until then however... enjoy!_

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

***SPENCER***

I tried to keep my breathing under control the whole time Asher held my hand while we exited the restaurant. "Thank you," I kept my eyes ahead and felt his hand squeeze mine, "for tonight, for everything."

"My pleasure." Asher grinned and took my hand, spinning me around in a circle while we laughed before he had us walking again. "I enjoyed myself."

"Me too." I answered honestly.

"Then again, I always enjoy your company." His boyish grin made me melt inside.

The park had some significance with us and we always found ourselves underneath that weeping willow tree. Our tree.

I could share with Asher. He made it impossible not to.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on them, looking at the people walk or jog by us.

"Are you cold?" Asher asked quietly.

I wasn't really that cold but he held his arm open for an embrace and who was I to refuse it? He was the perfect gentleman. "Thanks." I sighed softly when I pressed my back against his side while I played with his fingers. They were still unbelievably soft.

"I really like you Spence," Asher finally spoke and I twisted my head to look at him, "and I know my chances are slim to none-"

"Why would you think that?" I asked in a whisper.

"Um," he laughed and shrugged, "maybe because you're a self-proclaimed lesbian?"

"I'm not into labels." I sat up more and turned to face him. "I mean, why should we label ourselves, right?"

Asher gave me an amused yet curious smirk and raised an eyebrow. "What are you implying?"

"It's still all so confusing, Ash." I held my breath slightly before releasing it slowly. "But I really like you too. I never thought I could, you know, like someone who wasn't a girl. I've never been attracted to them and then you come along and the world I once knew faded away."

He shifted a little and clasped his hands together. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Good." I assured him. "You're my best friend above anything else," I bit my lip and watched as his eyes drifted down to my lips and back up again, "I want to take things slow."

Asher grinned and scratched behind his ear. "R-really?"

"Yeah." I nodded my head and followed suit with his grin. "Yes."

"We can take it as slow as you want," Asher let his hand fall onto my arm gently, "I'm not going anywhere."

_God that boy makes me swoon._

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I mean, not 'are you sure that you're not going anywhere' but are you sure you want to take this slow? It's just this is all so new to me. All of it. The way you make me feel, never have-"

"I'm sure." Asher stood up and gently pulled me with him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug. "I should get you home; it's getting a little chilly."

And so we continued our walk and not once did Asher drop his arm from around my waist. We arrived at my place and stood on the doorstep. "Did you want to come in?" I smiled and it looked like he was thinking about it.

"Actually I should get home and spend some time with Kyla before she forbids me from seeing you again." He was kidding but I couldn't help but gasp at the thought. "Kidding," he smiled and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "so, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

"Wanna grab an early breakfast?" I raised an eyebrow and found my fingers were playing with his tie while looking at him curiously.

"I'd love too." Asher nodded. "Hey, uh, Aiden's friend Marcus is holding a Halloween party. I know it's two weeks away and we agreed to take things slow but I was hoping maybe you would like to go… with me?" He cast his brown eyes downwards and it amazed me how shy he could be yet how open at the same time.

"I don't really do costumes." I shrugged but when I saw the sadness flicker across his face, it hurt my heart. "I'd love to go with you though."

"You're the best." Asher smiled widely and leaned in, his lips pressed against my cheek softly, lingering there for more than a few seconds. "Have a good night, Spence."

I could only nod as he gave me one last smile before making his was back down the pathway.

Holy shit. I was one of them! I was one of the girls who felt all mushy inside because of their … wait, was Asher my boyfriend?

Did I have a boyfriend?

Spencer 'Lesbian of King' Carlin, had a boyfriend?

"Carmen!" I practically yelled her name as I ran up the stairs towards my bedroom and yanked my phone off my desk, dialing her number quickly. "Pick up, pick up!" I paced the room, almost in near panic.

"_What?"_ Came the reply on the other end of the phone.

"I think Asher's my boyfriend." It was the only thing I could think of to say.

_What?!_ Carmen shrieked and I heard a voice in the background telling her to 'shut the fuck up'. Yea, that would be her mother. She mumbled a sorry and I heard her footsteps and the screen door slam. _"Okay, what?!"_

"I'm going insane aren't I? I think I had one too many hits earlier during lunch." I squeezed my eyes shut and smiled when his smiling face came into view. "Fuck," I breathed, "Carmen, I've got it bad."

"_I know I'm saying this a lot but wow,"_ Carmen laughed, _"Whatever Carlin, so you're dating a guy, big fucking deal, right? He's a charmer, even __**I**__ could get pulled into that." _I heard her light a cigarette and inhale. _"Either way if you're happy, I'm happy; even if you just dropped major cool points for boning a guy."_

"Do you have to be so crude?" I said defensively and lay down on my bed. "I haven't even kissed him."

"_He does have kissable lips, I'll give him that much."_ Carmen released her breath and coughed slightly. _"Remind me to quit smoking."_

"Quit smoking you numb fuck." I smirked and then frowned. "And no getting ideas on following my footsteps and trying out the other side with Asher."

"_As cute as that fuck is, I'm all about the ladies, so you're safe."_ She laughed. _"But word at school is that Stacey's totally into him."_

"Stacey can go rash someone else's property. He's not even interested in her." I shrugged.

"_Did Glen and Stacey sleep together?"_ Carmen asked out of nowhere.

"How the fuck is that relevant?" I snapped slightly.

"_It's not. I was just curious."_

"Well shut up then." I sighed and bit my nail, staring at my ceiling. "Carm, I'm kinda scared."

"_Why, because Asher's a guy? Or because you're actually feeling that __**love**__ thing?"_

I inhaled a deep breath and clutched the phone in my hand tightly. "Both. I mean, it just feels like a first all over again, you know? With you, it was safe. It was amazing, but safe. With Asher, I feel like things will be that more intense when or if things get that intimate."

I heard her laugh out loud and I frowned. _"Wait, wait a minute… are you telling me that you're actually thinking about having sex with him? Asher Davies. You… him… wow… that is oddly a hot visual."_

"Fuck off Carmen, I'm being serious here!" I growled slightly. "I mean it! I'm scared!"

Her voice is much softer. _"Okay Spence, I'm sorry. My jokes are all put away and I'll be considerate of your feelings. I know this probably isn't easy for you in the slightest. Your reputation for being 'King High's Lesbian' poster child is at stake here."_

"Coming out was so much easier." I mumbled. "I need to sleep on this."

"_Despite the jokes I make Spen, you know that I'm here for you right? I don't think of you any differently."_

"Thanks." I really needed to hear that, it was like some sort of ground support – at least someone would be on my side. "I'm going to finish my homework and then get some sleep."

"_Okay but you are telling me every dirty detail about your __**date**__ at school tomorrow, you bitch."_ Carmen laughed before hanging up.

--


	13. THIRTEEN

_Give Asher some love._

_Enjoy._

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

***ASHER***

I was practically on cloud nine my walk home. I couldn't believe that Spencer Carlin wanted to take things slow – with me. Me.

A few times I pinched myself hoping I wasn't dreaming.

It was hard to maintain a smile at all times though, for obvious reasons. I was allowing myself to jump into something with her without the knowledge of my secret. A huge secret that I knew I couldn't keep forever – especially with Spencer.

I frowned as I kicked open the gate to the front yard of Kyla's and locked it behind me. I wasn't sure what to feel at that moment.

"Ash!" Kyla ran towards me the second I stepped through the front door. I didn't miss the anxious worried expression across her face. "Where have you been?!"

Okay, it was a school night but it was only after eight and I knew my curfew wasn't that early. I never really had a curfew when it came to Spencer.

"I was out with Spencer." I said confused and watched as she gripped my house keys and threw them on the desk, pushing me towards the kitchen. "What the hell Ky, what's going on?"

"You were supposed to be going for a walk." Kyla whispered. "Since I'm a cool sister, I should warn you that what you are about to see will not be pleasant."

What the fuck?

"Ashley!"

What.

The.

Fuck.

"Christine." I clenched my jaw together as I saw her sitting at the kitchen table, legs crossed perfectly and her perfectly manicured hand stirred the spoon that was in her coffee mug.

"Really, do you find the need to dress up like that all the time?" She stood up and looked me up and down. "I didn't raise you this way."

I snorted. "You barely raised me period." I sat down on the stool the farthest from Christine. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I ended up going home for a few days hoping to spend time with my daughter and it turns out, you're crashing here." Christine said sternly and laughed when she finished stirring the huge amounts of sugar in her coffee. "Did you not think I'd find you?"

"I don't care if you found me or not and since when do you care to come back from your boy toy of the week or month to spend time with me?" I asked a little annoyed and pointed to the stairs. "I need to do some homework."

"Homework?" Her laugh was disgustingly sarcastic.

"Christine, please, Asher's been doing really great here." Kyla stepped in, her hands placed firmly on the counter while looking at the woman who gave birth to me.

"Asher?" Christine finally stood up and placed her hand on her hip. "Please tell me she hasn't brainwashed you…"

That hurt. Kyla was the first person to make me feel like I could be who I was and she was sticking up for me all the time.

"Despite what you feel Christine and with all due respect, Asher hasn't brainwashed me. You don't know the first thing about him so I suggest you stop making him feel uncomfortable in his own home." Kyla stepped forward, squaring off with Christine.

"Kyla, you don't have to say that." I whispered and she waved me off.

"You walked into our life claiming to be a 'sister' to this...," Christine pointed towards me, "and you think you have the right to talk to me that way?"

"Whose house are you in?" My sister raised an eyebrow. "You may look like wicked bitch of the south but you sure as hell don't scare me. I came looking for Ash, my family; I didn't want anything to do with you."

"Ashley, I'm getting really tired of your games. I demand you come back to Florida with me immediately." Christine brushed past Kyla and placed her hand on my arm. She let go just as quick when she felt the hard muscle jump beneath her touch.

"My name is not Ashley." I said in a cold voice, ripping myself away from any close proximity from her. "My name is Asher, Christine. Accept it and move on."

Christine closed her eyes tightly and rubbed her temples as if I were giving her a headache. "Who you are is not acceptable, now get your stuff and let's go. I didn't waste a trip."

"I'm not going." I shook my head. "I like it here and Kyla's been really good."

"She accepts this…" she waved her hands towards my body, "…whatever you are."

"That's enough Christine." Kyla stepped in between us. "You came here saying you'd have a decent conversation and putting down your own kid is not decent. I'd like you to leave."

"You are still under eighteen," Christine pushed Kyla aside, "you're still in my care."

"Go to your room Ash," Kyla placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, "I'll take care of this."

I swallowed and never looked Christine in the eye when I turned around and ran up towards my bedroom. I slammed the door and paced my room frantically, feeling the anger, hurt and confusion pour through me.

Christine was a bitch. I got over the whole 'she was my mother so why doesn't she care' phase a long time ago. But to fly to California and tell me that who I was, was wrong? Pretending to care? That irked me more than anything.

I could hear the muffled voices getting louder and threw myself on the bed, a pillow covering my ears. I refused to cry because Christine was not worth the tears – I just didn't want to be moving back to Miami.

Not now, not ever.

"_That girl up there is not Asher!"_ Christine's voice was loud and clear coming from downstairs. _"Oh get over yourself Kyla, if that thing wants to be a boy then go ahead and have fun taking care of the freak. You won't be seeing me again."_

I waited for a few seconds and caught the lump in my throat, trying to will the tears away.

She wasn't worth it.

"Asher?" Kyla's voice rang through my room and I heard a car speed out of the driveway. "Oh Ash," she threw herself on my bed and tucked my head into her shoulder. "It's okay."

I was crying. I couldn't help it. I was only human and my own "mother" called me a freak and a thing. I knew I was better off but it still stung.

"She's gone. God, she's evil." Kyla whispered and I couldn't help but snort because I knew that from the very beginning.

"Thank you." I managed to lift myself up and stare at my older sister. "Thank you for sticking up for me and just, thank you."

"You don't ever have to thank me." She smiled through her own tears. "You're my family and I love you." She pulled me in for a hug and squeezed me tightly. "Forget about her. She made a worthless trip because regardless of you being 'Ashley' or Asher, I wasn't about to let you leave me. I need you too, you know."

I grinned and wiped my eyes, sitting up on my bed. "You're the best."

"So, how'd your walk with Spencer go?" Kyla stood up and held out her hand. She led me downstairs and pulled out her favourite ice cream that she saved specifically for when Justin would go away or call and make her sad.

"Good, we uh," I swallowed, "we're kinda going to a Halloween party together in two weeks."

A spoon dropped and I met her brown eyes. "Together, together?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Yea, and I know what you're going to say but please Ky, just trust me."

Kyla eyed be up before digging her spoon back into her ice cream bowl. "I do trust you. I really like Spencer and I can see why you're attracted to her, so please do me a favour and think about your next move very carefully, kay?"

I could only nod because I didn't know what my next move was. Whenever I was around Spencer, I just did what my heart told me to do.

I was hopeless.

--


	14. FOURTEEN

_Dear Points Underneath fans: I will have an update for you hopefully by Wednesday evening. I'm working a different angle in order to push things along smoothly yet a little quicker, I just hope it works out well in the end. _

_Enjoy!_

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

***ASHER***

"Spencer," I sighed and rubbed my hands nervously, "there's something you need to know about me before we continue this…" I licked my lips and took in a deep breath, "I'm not who you think I am."

I grumbled when I heard silence and scratched my chin, shifting on the edge of my bed before starting again.

"Spencer, I know you're the one who said that we shouldn't keep secrets from each other so there is something I have to tell you," I paused briefly, "I'm a girl."

Silence met my ears again and I looked around my empty room.

"Fuck this sucks." I stood up and heard a tap at my bedroom window. "Spence?" I opened it and she climbed inside. "It's four in the afternoon, you could've knocked."

"I know," she shrugged and kissed my cheek, before sitting down in my computer chair.

"Are you still avoiding Kyla?" I asked with a smirk and made my way back to my previous spot on the bed. "Why?"

"Because I'm kinda dating her brother and she already gave me the 'don't hurt my brother' speech way before this happened. I don't want her to hurt me." Spencer pouted and twirled around in the chair.

It had been two weeks since our first 'date'. Two weeks week since we declared our feelings for each other. It had been two weeks of getting to know her more and more while she let me in and two weeks of guilt hanging over my head.

I wanted to tell her, I did. I wanted to really bad but every time I tried, the words got stuck in my throat and I couldn't get them out. It'd leave her to look at me funny and then I'd make up some excuse and that'd be it.

I thought about writing a letter to her but then how prickish would that be? Spencer deserved more than just a letter.

She deserved the truth.

"She loves you," I grinned and watched her twirl around some more. We haven't kissed yet and I was happy about that.

I mean I wasn't _happy_ about not being able to kiss her but I was happy that we were really taking things slow.

Most teenagers don't.

"So I was thinking about this Halloween Party, what are you going as?" Spencer tilted her head curiously. "Should we do a couple thing?" She blushed and I grinned, pulling the chair closer to me by my feet and placing my hands on her legs.

"Mmm," I hummed and she licked her lips, "I think you should dress up in a pant suit and tie."

"Oookay…" Spencer drew out slowly. "Why?"

"Trust me." I nodded and patted her cute nose with my fingertip. "Hungry?"

"Starving." She giggled and took my hand that I offered to her. "Aren't we going to go out the window?"

"What? No." I laughed and tugged her into the hallway just as Kyla was coming up the stairs. "Hey sis."

"Bro." She smirked and looked at the blonde beside me. "Spencer, I didn't even hear you come in."

"Uh yea…" Spencer cleared her throat, "I am trying to be stealthy."

"By climbing through my window." I snickered and it earned me a punch on the arm. "Ow, that hurt!" I feigned pain and she was quick to rub it better.

"Window?" Kyla looked amused. "It's four in the afternoon."

"You suck Ash." Spencer frowned. "I was avoiding you," she looked at Kyla, "now that Asher and I are, I mean, are we together?" She looked at me curiously.

Kyla resembled the same expression and waited for me to answer.

"Spence, you know I want you to be my girlfriend." I whispered in her ear.

"Okay so yea." Spencer squared her shoulders. "So now that I'm dating your brother, I was scared you'd have more words with me and frankly Kyla, you scare the shit out of me."

Kyla burst into laughter and made us both jump back in surprise. "What? I scared you?"

"A… little?" Spencer squeaked and I couldn't help but grin at her adorableness.

"Try meeting Christine." Kyla walked past us and squeezed Spencer's shoulder. "You have no reason to be afraid of me if you don't plan on breaking his heart."

Spencer watched Kyla walk into her room and then looked back at me. "Was Christine that bad?"

I told her about the surprise visit but I didn't tell her about the things she had said. I wasn't one to want to relive them. "Christine doesn't belong on this planet and the only reason why she is, is to make my life a complete living hell."

"Why?" Spencer frowned and I tensed slightly. "I mean it's not like you've done anything wrong to offend her, right?"

"I'm hungry, let's find something to eat." I squeezed her hand and she didn't let me budge.

"What's wrong?" She frowned.

"Nothing Spence, I'm hungry." I smiled lightly, hoping she'd drop it.

"Something's bothering you Ash," Spencer replied just as softly and her thumb caressed the back of my hand, "did Christine hurt you?"

"Nothing I'm not used too." I sighed and tugged her with me. "Please, I just don't want to talk about it right now, okay?"

Spencer looked a little hurt and I _almost_ caved but something stopped me yet again. "Fine."

"I will," I assured her and smiled when she nodded, her blue eyes peering at me through strands of her blonde hair, "I promise."

"So what are you going to feed me?" Spencer changed the subject and we made our way downstairs. "I worked hard in school today and I never got high once, I deserve a reward."

"Yea?" I laughed and shook my head at her cuteness. "Well I can make us some dinner if you wanna stay? I'm sure Kyla won't mind."

"Making me dinner?" Spencer purred and pushed me against the counter, her hands gripping my waist. "You're the best boyfriend ever."

"Oh," I cleared my throat and managed to smile without giving myself away at how her closeness affects me, "so you have had boyfriends before?"

Spencer pulled a face that made me laugh and hug her. "You're my first." She blushed. "And my last…"

"Last?" I raised an eyebrow. "Did you wanna get married?"

"If that's as romantic as your proposals get, then no." Spencer smirked and patted my shoulder. "I just meant that going through this confusion is exhausting and you're different. I want to believe that we'll work out, you know?"

We smiled at each other before I nodded, sighing softly. "I know." I started looking through the cupboards to find what I could cook for my two favourite girls for dinner. "And by the way, I'm a real pro at romance." I threw her a wink.

--


	15. FIFTEEN

_Sorry for the delay! I've been very attached to my wife while watching Buffy reruns... that is my honest excuse! :) _

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

***SPENCER***

Carmen was there for me when I broke down not knowing how to feel and what to feel. Even though Asher and I had somewhat established each other as a couple, I still couldn't help but feel a little lost with it all. I mean, I could repeat "I'm a lesbian" over and over again but then I just feel like it was useless because _technically _I had a boyfriend.

"Wait," Madison frowned slightly and adjusted her skirt while she sat down across from me at the picnic table, "so between us four, you're saying that you and Asher…"

"Yea." I swallowed and searched my friends' facial expressions.

Carmen smiled. "Our Spencer is no longer gonna be a _lesbian_."

Aiden looked a little pensive and gave Madison an apologetic look before speaking to me. "So that meant I had a chance with you?"

"Aiden!" Madison hissed and elbowed him hard in the gut. They were constantly on and off again but regardless of their status, everyone just considered them together anyway.

"Ow, what?!" He scoffed and rubbed his side. "I was just asking, Mads."

"Well she's not interested in you anyway, so why ask?" Carmen threw in there. "Whatever, this Asher character is quite special because we all know Spencer would never look at a guy twice like that."

"Not even once." Chelsea nodded.

"So you have a boyfriend?" Madison asked again and at my slow nodding, she smiled and got up. "That's great Spence, see it's not all about the gender." She got up and kissed Aiden on the cheek before joining the table full of Madison wannabes.

"Speak for yourself," Carmen smirked, "I'd never touch," she pointed to Aiden's crotch with a disgusted face, "that with a ten foot pole."

"I wouldn't even come near you if you were straight, so it's all good." Aiden frowned and grabbed his lunch. "Where is Asher anyway? I'm the only guy at this table and I'm being bashed."

"That's because you're pussy whipped." I smiled innocently. "Asher had an appointment or something with Kyla, he'll be back shortly."

"Have you decided what you wanted to dress up as at the Halloween party?" Carmen leaned over me to grab a fry from Chelsea's plate.

"Um, Asher told me what to wear." I blushed a little bit when all of their eyes gawked at me.

"What would that be?" Aiden quirked an eyebrow. "A cheerleader uniform?"

"Please dog boy," I rolled my eyes dramatically and smirked, "give him more credit than that. Asher's not like that."

"And by 'that', she means you." I heard Asher come up towards us and threw his bag on the table. "Hey." He grinned shyly at me before sitting down in the spot Madison was previously occupying.

"Dude, we're supposed to stick together." Aiden shook his head with a small smile. "So Spencer told us about the two of you." He wiggled his eyebrows at his friend. "How'd you manage to even score th-"

Asher smacked his hand upside Aiden's head and glared at him. "Why do you treat women like they are a piece of meat? I didn't manage to 'score' anything you ass."

"Wow." Chelsea cooed. "Not many guys would defend their girlfriend's honour like that unless they were jealous."

"Fuck you're sweet." Carmen nodded. "Hey Mads!" She screamed across the quad. "This table votes that you dump Aiden's ass because he is one!"

"Carmen!" I hissed but chuckled as Aiden got up and stalked away from the table.

"Aww poor baby," Carmen sneered in Aiden's direction, "I bet he's heading to the gym to inflate his male ego some more."

"Be nice." Asher smiled softly and scooted down the bench until he was sitting next to me. "I missed you," he whispered in my ear and pulled a small dandelion from behind his back.

I melted yet again.

"This is our cue to leave," Chelsea smiled and grabbed her bag, "come on Carm."

"No way." Carmen shook her head and sprawled out on top of the table, her eyes closed. "They can do whatever they want but I'm not leaving. This is my table too you know."

Chelsea rolled her eyes and waved bye to Asher and myself.

"So you told them?" Asher asked quietly, his fingers found mine and traced them lightly with his own.

"I hope you don't mind. They can be real pains in the ass but they are my friends." I shrugged and bit my lip. Asher just laughed softly and shook his head, squeezing my hand before letting it go to dig into his bag. "What are you looking for?"

Asher dug into his bag deeper before smiling when he found what he was looking for. "I did some research on you," he whispered and glanced over towards Carmen, "okay so Carmen was my source but I found out that you're quite the softy."

"What?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Anyway," he laughed and brushed his hair out of his eyes before revealing what he had stashed in the palm of his hand, "this is a-"

"Thimble?" I looked at the small charm as it hung from a thin silver chain.

"A kiss you moron." Carmen smiled and sat up. "He knows you used to have a crush on Wendy and that Peter Pan was your favourite movie as a kid."

"Carmen…" I warned and she smirked and leapt off the table. "Yea, you better run!"

Asher laughed again as he watched her sprint down the quad, giving me the finger. "Don't be mad at her, I asked."

"She still squealed." I grumbled and then looked at the silver chain and thimble charm again. I felt a blush creep through my skin and looked into endless depths of brown. "So this is a kiss?"

"My first kiss to you." He gently offered and moved behind me so he could put the chain around my neck. "I know you want to take this slow but I couldn't help it."

"Ash," I whispered and pulled him in for a hug when he sat down again, "I love it."

"Good." Asher sighed softly with a smile and scratched his ear. "About this party tonight, was there a certain time you wanted to go?"

I shook my head and glanced around at the other students who were in their own little worlds with their own little cliques. "I really want to kiss you, Ash; a real one." I whispered and he looked a little shocked. "Not right now, but soon?"

Asher cleared his throat and his nose crinkled in a smile. "Soon." His word was full of promise.

"What are you dressing up as?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"You'll see." Asher shrugged with a smirk and leaned forward on the table, looking at me.

"Come on, tell me!" I pleaded and gave him my puppy dog eyes. He was just about to tell me when the bell rang loudly, signaling that lunch was over. "Saved by the bell," I scowled playfully.

"I'll pick you up around eight, is that okay?" Asher got up and grabbed his bag before grabbing mine as well. He made it a habit to carry my bag or books and even though I protested each and every time, I knew I'd lose that small battle.

"Of course that's okay." I grinned and looped my arm through his.

"Spencer!" I whipped around to find Stacey walking towards us with a soft smile gracing her face. "Are you going to Marcus' party tonight?" She stopped right in front of me and tilted her head.

What the hell was she trying to pull?

"I am." I nodded my confirmation and felt Asher start to gently pull me towards our class.

"Do you have a date?" Stacey asked a little louder and I looked at Asher.

"I do." My lips formed a tight smile. "Ash is taking me."

Stacey's face dropped and then she frowned. "Asher's taking you?"

"I am." Asher smiled brightly. "If you excuse us Stacey, we're going to be late for class."

I could hear a frustrated cry come from down the hall and laughed. Stacey had been hounding Asher for weeks on end to go out with her and then when he finally had to use his 'mean' tone for her to get the picture; she started to come back after me.

Must suck for her that I was dating Asher.

Not that the school knew or anything. We didn't exactly go public and it wasn't that I was worried about what people thought of me, I just didn't think we were ready. When I was ready, I'd let the whole school know. To everyone else, we were just the best of friends.

Asher was just another guy I'd drag to the mall and check out other girls with – according to the story Carmen made up, helping us where she could along the way.

I was looking forward to going to the party with Asher as my date however. He was so sweet and half the time I don't think he even knew half the sweet stuff he was doing or saying. He'd open doors for me, he'd offer to pay for meals and when I said I wanted to, he'd let me but only because he knew that he'd just buy me the next one.

Yep, I had accepted the fact that I had fallen completely for the guy. If I could accept that, so could others.

--


	16. SIXTEEN

_Sorry for the delay again. No it wasn't Buffy that kept me tied up this time. RL doesn't wanna cooperate. Anyway, thank you all for the being the best readers/reviewers ever! Enjoy!_

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

***ASHER***

"Hold your damn head still!" Kyla grabbed my jaw and placed a few more touch ups to my face. She looked back and admired her work before smile. "There, you're perfect."

I took a deep breath before turning to face the mirror in the bathroom and nearly fell backwards at the person who was staring back at me. "Holy shit, that's me." I barely whispered. The person in the reflection had make-up on. The smoky eye shadow look had me looking like a brand new person with the darkened lip stick and blush that accented my cheekbones.

"Holy shit, that's you." Kyla responded when I stood up and turned a few times in the mirror. She had lent me a pair of her tightest jeans and a basic top the hid my cleavage but bared my shoulder and arms. "Ash, are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Why not?" I asked nervously. "It's Halloween, no one will suspect a thing."

"True but look at you," she gazed at me through the mirror. "So that's what my sister would look like, if I had one?"

I swallowed and nodded. "I guess so." I cupped my breasts and adjusted them in the bra a bit. It had been a long while since I wore one and found myself not missing it at all. "God, how can you breathe with one of these on?"

"Trust me, we need them." Kyla cheekily grinned and brushed her fingers one last time through my thick curls and looked at me. "You're hot. I can say that right? It doesn't gross you out or anything?"

"A little bit." I laughed and made my way downstairs. "Spencer's probably going to have a heart attack."

"Slightly." Kyla agreed in amusement. "So, what are we calling you tonight?"

"Ashley." I managed to say without really gagging. It was Halloween, I was going to let my hair down – so to speak.

"Well Ashley," my sister smiled softly, "it's nice to meet you."

I laughed deeply and grabbed my keys. "Don't wait up for me. I'm not sure how long Spencer wants to stay."

Kyla had no reason to worry about me because I didn't drink and I would never allow anything bad happen to my girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

I had a girlfriend.

"Have fun tonight," Kyla yelled as I walked towards her vehicle, "and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I smirked and shook my head. "Hey Ky?" She was just about to close the door before I yelled her name. "Thank you."

Kyla smiled and waved me off before shutting her front door.

I inhaled deeply and clutched my steering wheel the moment I pulled up to the Carlin's driveway. I could not believe what I was doing. I had to share a small moment to laugh because there I was, in the vehicle, dressed up as someone that had long died inside of me – but I convinced myself that because it was Halloween, it was okay.

Spencer thought I was kidding when I said that I wanted her to wear a pant suit and tie, but then she stopped laughing and asked me if I was serious.

She was just so cute.

"Okay Ash, you can do this." I muttered to myself and got the courage to walk up to the front door. Wiping my palms on the tightest jeans ever, I knocked on the door once.

It took a minute but I heard someone run down the stairs and then the door was wrenched open. "Holy hottie batman." Glen looked me up and down with a glint in his eye.

First, ew.

Second, I had to contain my laughter because Spencer's voice could be heard from on top of the stairwell. "Glen, who is it?!"

"Uh," Glen clucked his tongue together while trying to 'subtly' check me out. What a douche, "I'm guessing a date?"

"Asher?" Spencer's voice sounded a little panicked and then an 'oh fuck' could be heard and then a door slam.

Glen was about to say something to me when Carmen came bounding down the stairs in a rush and gasped when she saw me. "Fuck me hard against the wall, Asher?!"

"Ashley." I corrected with a small smile and Carmen squealed.

"Wait," Carmen stopped laughing and turned to look at Glen, "you seriously hit on him?"

Glen stood there looking more than uncomfortable before bolting back into the house.

"Holy shit you're hot." Carmen looked me up and down before her gaze stopped on my chest. "Those almost look real."

It was my turn to shift uncomfortably but I managed to laugh and shrug. "So you're going as a tortured fairy?" I took in her ripped black stockings that matched her ripped small wings and black skimpy shorts with a tank top.

"Yea, good guess." She smiled and licked her lips. "Spencer's going to fall over when she sees you. Wow," Carmen shook her head and walked around me in slow circles, "Asher Davies, you really know how to get a girl's pulse racing no matter what you wear."

"Carmen, need I remind you that I'm dating your best friend?" I grinned and she shrugged.

"Oh wow," we both heard a soft gasp in the doorway and there stood the gorgeous blonde in her black pant suit and tie. Her blonde hair was down and cascaded perfectly over her shoulders. "What…"

I stepped forward and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "You look amazing," I whispered against her soft skin.

"And you look gorgeous," Spencer breathed and pulled back, her eyes scanning over my form, "who are you supposed to be?"

I laughed and scratched behind my ear. "Ashley Davies," I held my hand out and smiled as she shook it with an amused grin, "I figured I'd be your lesbian lover for the evening."

"Oh God that's classic!" Carmen roared with laughter. "I cannot believe how disgustingly sweet you are."

"Carmen, shut the fuck up." Spencer hissed, glaring at her best friend before smiling sweetly at me. "You look hot."

"Thanks." I blushed and bit my bottom lip. "So, shall we go?"

Spencer nodded and hollered at her parents that she was leaving and that she'd be back in a few hours.

"So, are we supposed to call you Ashley or Asher tonight?" Carmen asked as we started to head over to the house where the party was being held.

"Ashley," I nodded, trying to convince myself that it was okay to call me that.

It was just for Halloween and then I'd go back to being Asher.

--

The party was a big one and the place was packed including the yard. Marcus went all out that was for sure.

"I'm drunk so I'm blaming this on the alcohol, but damn Asher, you can pull off one hot woman." Aiden slurred his words, his arm wrapped around Madison tightly. "Doesn't he babe?"

Madison nodded and laughed. "For a minute there when I saw you with Spencer, I was about to beat her ass because I figured she was cheating on you with a woman."

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows and took a sip of my coke.

"Yea, but that's not like Spencer to begin with," the cheerleader shrugged, "she doesn't like cheaters."

"Except for when she stole Stacey away from Glen," Aiden pointed out, his beer sloshing all over and out of his cup, "I'd never seen a dude cry that much."

New tidbit of information on my girlfriend that I didn't know about.

"Yea, but to be fair," Spencer stepped up beside me, her arm immediately wrapping around my waist, "we never did anything until they were broken up," she paused with a frown, "technically."

"Technically being they never fucked." Carmen finished with a roll of her eyes.

"Whatever man," Aiden laughed, "you two were going at it while you were with Milo, right?"

"Okay," Madison shook her head and laughed, "way to impress Asher here, guys."

Spencer looked at me with some guilt but she didn't have to explain herself to me. Carmen and her had a past, a history long before I showed up into the picture and I was more than okay with that. Besides, they complimented each other well and who was I to deny that for either of them.

Carmen's been really good to me and I could see what Spencer would've saw in her.

"Nah it's cool," I waved my hand and pulled Spencer closer to me, "Spencer's told me everything pretty much, except the stealing her brother's girlfriend, bit."

Spencer slapped me on the arm gently and gave me a small pout. "I like a challenge."

"Huh," I smirked and then another song with a heavy bass beat to it poured through the speakers. Spencer squealed when Carmen dragged her out into the middle of the living room floor to dance.

"So you're not a very jealous type, are you?" Aiden watched as the two friends danced close together.

"No," I smiled and shifted a little bit because the clothes I was wearing made me feel constricted, "they're friends."

"Aiden." Madison sighed and took away his beer. "You become such an ass when you drink." She slammed the rest of the beer back and threw the cup away.

"What? If Spencer were my girl and Carmen was all up in her grill, I'd be jealous." Aiden shrugged.

"That's because you treat women like a prize to be won," I snorted and it earned a giggle from Madison. "Aiden, just because Carmen and Spencer slept together before, it doesn't mean that they're still doing it. Spencer can be friends with whoever she wants to be friends with."

"But doesn't it bother you?" He asked a little baffled. "I mean look at them," he pointed towards the living room where Carmen was pressed up against Spencer's back dancing to the beat of the music.

I had to admit it was rather hot but other than that I didn't feel jealous at all. "They're dancing dude, it's what girls do."

"So if I were to dance up there with Spencer like that, you'd get jealous?" Madison asked her boyfriend.

"Nah, that'd be wicked hot." Aiden got a faraway look in his eye.

"You're such a loser dude," I shook my head, "come on Mads, let's dance."

I had to admit I was having fun out on the dance floor with the cheerleader. Madison wasn't at all what people saw her to be; rich and snooty. I mean she was loaded with cash but she never flaunted it around like some of the other cheerleaders did. Madison welcomed me into the group without question and she supported Spencer in dating me. Most of the rumors at school consisted of her being some slut who cheated on Aiden with the football team but she was a bookworm who liked to hang out at the art galleries with Chelsea on the weekends – and was more than faithful to her boyfriend.

Spencer and I made eye contact while she danced with Carmen and I danced with Madison. She looked gorgeous with her face flushed from dancing and her intense blue eyes were staring right at me as her body moved perfectly with the music.

"She's got it bad for you." Madison said with a grin. "Trust me, she says we're not best friends but that's just Spencer being broody. I know a love struck face when I see one and she has got it bad for you."

I nodded slowly. "Excuse me Madison," I smiled apologetically and made my way slowly over to the dancing blonde. "May I cut in?"

"Yeah," Carmen breathed heavily and fanned herself, "I need a drink anyway."

Spencer's arms immediately wrapped around my neck and my hands found purchase on her hips. "What made you dress up as Ashley?"

"I wanted to make you smile." I shrugged with an impish grin.

"Mmm," she sighed and pressed her body closer to mine. I was desperately trying to ignore the effect it had on me. "Are you having fun?"

"I'm with you, of course I am." I gave her a grin and she just stared at me. "Spencer, is there something on my face?"

"You have the most beautiful eyes ever." Spencer murmured and I felt the rest of the room slip away. "Has anyone ever told you that?"

I shook my head, blushing under her observations of me. "You're too kind."

"And honest." Spencer kissed my cheek and then pulled away when the song ended. "Want to go outside? I need some fresh air."

"Yea, sure." I swallowed and closed my eyes briefly before allowing her to drag me out the back door and into the huge back yard. There were only a few people gathered around smoking or just talking.

"So this is why you wanted me to wear this?" Spencer laughed softly as she leaned up against the brick wall of the house. Her hand played with her tie a bit.

"It was a good thought at the time." I shrugged, stuffing my hands into the tight front pockets of my jeans.

Spencer eyed me up and down. "You really pull the look off well. I would've never known you were a guy if I had just met you tonight."

My ears perked up in curiosity. "No? Would you have tried to pick me up?"

"Ah," Spencer tossed her head back and laughed, "I have a boyfriend."

I couldn't help but melt at the words. But then I noticed she was moving closer and soon my body was pressed against the swing set by hers. "What are you doing?" I breathed as her fingertips grazed my jaw line.

"Observing." Her whisper was so soft I could barely hear it through the raging sound my heart was making.

Our noses brushed against each other's and I felt her warm breath against my lips. I inhaled deeply and felt her hands squeeze my hips, her thumbs reaching my exposed skin, making me jump slightly at the sensations.

Oh God no.

"Ash," Spencer's voice dropped into a quiet plea, her eyes zeroed in on my lips while she licked her own.

Those gorgeous lips moved achingly slow towards mine and I closed my eyes, catching my breath and thoughts. Reality came crashing down on me when I heard whistles come from behind us and I was jarred from the hypnotic daze Spencer usually put me in.

"Spencer," I whispered and placed my hands on her shoulders, gently pushing her back a bit, "I can't."

Confusion and hurt etched across her features. "What? Why?"

I looked down at myself and sighed heavily. "Look at me."

"I am." Spencer said with a soft smile, her eyes never leaving mine.

I shook my head and stepped aside. "I'm sorry but I can't."

"You don't want to kiss me?" Spencer asked in a hurt tone.

"I do." I stepped forward to grab her hand. "But not like this."

"Why?" Spencer shook her head, trying to understand. But she wouldn't understand because she didn't know the truth.

"Spencer, you're a lesbian and I'm dressed as a woman. I'm sorry but I don't want our first kiss to be … like this." I tried to explain but the hurt look on her face was replaced with anger.

"A lesbian? Right." Spencer said coldly. "So _now_ you're labeling me?"

"No, that's not what I meant!" I was desperate not to have her upset with me. "I just meant that you like women Spencer, and I'm not one."

"Well thank you," she spat and moved past me, "not only did you just totally label me like everyone else, you just pointed out that I could possibly be dumb."

"What?" I asked not believing that we were in midst of an argument that could go very wrong, very fast. "Spence, you are not dumb."

"Whatever." Spencer shrugged and continued walking towards the house but then stopped. She slowly turned around to face me. "I wasn't about to kiss Ashley," she started to back up, "I was about kiss Asher, my boyfriend."

I closed my eyes and leaned against the swing set, my heart falling to the ground.

Fuck.

--


	17. SEVENTEEN

_Second chapter I'm posting this evening! Yea, it's short... but I'll be posting more tomorrow sometime. :)_

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

***SPENCER***

Maybe I was acting a little out of line and childish. I opened myself up to Asher completely and yet he seemed to have this wall built up around him.

It wasn't like he didn't share his past with me because he did. He told me about his friends growing up, where he was born, how Kyla found him and all of that. It was the present stuff that kept him from opening up more.

He confused the hell out of me and yet all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him that whatever he had to share, I'd help him, I'd be there for him.

But the thing was, Asher hadn't mentioned that he needed to talk about anything – it was just a vibe I was getting.

The party was a complete disaster after everything that happened in the backyard. I was only trying to share a moment and was flat out denied.

Denied by my own date.

"Let's get the fuck out of here." I said to Carmen and grabbed her hand.

"Spence, Asher's our ride." She stopped and frowned before scanning the room. "Where is he?"

"I don't know and I don't care." I swallowed, trying to lose the lump that was lodged in my throat.

"What happened?" Carmen was all of a sudden concerned and at my side. "Did he hurt you?"

Not in the physical sense, no.

"I don't want to talk about it." I shook my head.

"Spence," Asher was right there and he grabbed my hand. "Please, can we talk?"

"I have nothing to say." Yea, that was right. I could build my walls up just as quickly as he could tear them down.

"Don't please." Asher said softly and for a moment I felt myself start to crumble. "Let me at least drive you home?"

"What if I'm not ready to leave yet?" I raised an eyebrow, being stubborn.

"You just said let's go." Carmen frowned and yelped when I pinched her arm. "What the hell happened out there?" She questioned Asher.

"I get you're playing the good friend card Carmen, but I need to talk to Spencer." Asher swallowed and looked at me. "Please?"

"Fine. Drive us home, we'll talk." I lost my resolve and allowed myself to be ushered to his car.

The drive was silent all the way and then when the car stopped, Carmen hopped out quickly, letting us be alone for a few minutes. "Look, it's not that I don't want to kiss you, okay? I'm just a little freaked out by the fact that you wanted to kiss me while I was dressed up as a woman."

"I get it." I sighed and rubbed my forehead before glancing at him. "Really." I mean, he was partially right. I was attracted to females only until he came along and the first chance I take to kiss him, he's "Ashley". I could see why he'd be a little freaked but at the same time, I wasn't looking at his "assets" – I was looking at _him_.

"You have to know how crazy I am about you, Spencer Carlin." He whispered and grabbed my hand. "You have no idea how much I want to kiss you."

I smiled a little and nodded. "I'm sorry I freaked out back there. It's just this isn't easy for me either, you know?"

"I know and you shouldn't be apologizing. I'm the bastard that turned you down." Asher gave me a small smile and brought my hand up to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently. "I promise, the moment I'm back in my own comfortable clothes, you can kiss me for however long you want too."

"Is that a promise?" I teased but felt better inside already.

"Promise." Asher leaned forward and wrapped me up in a hug. "Sorry the night was cut short."

"It's a school night anyway," I shrugged, "my parents are making me go tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Asher smiled and kissed my forehead. "Night Spence."

"Night." I gave him a shy smile before slipping out of the car and watched him drive away.

"What the hell, no kiss?" Carmen hissed from the doorstep.

"Save it." I opened the door and noticed the lights were off. It wasn't even midnight yet.

"I'm beat," Carmen yawned and threw herself on my bed, "mind if I get naked and sleep?"

"Sure." I said and stared at the window.

"What?" Carmen laughed and sat up. "Did you not just hear what I asked?"

"Naked, sleep…" I shrugged and turned around. "I'm going to Asher's. Don't wait up."

--

After a brisk walk in the park late at night, I had successfully made it to the front of Asher's house. A dim light came from his bedroom window and I knew he was still up. I had changed into a pair of loose jeans and a hoodie before leaving my house. Carmen was already in her underwear and snoozing in my bed by the time I left.

I tapped on his window and saw a shadow move and then there he was in his t-shirt and flannel pants. His make-up was washed off and his hair was damp, I was guessing he showered. "Spence." He was surprised to see me.

I licked my lips and crawled through his window, he caught me by the waist and we fell backwards on the floor. "Thanks." I whispered and stood up quickly. "Sorry about waking you."

"I wasn't sleeping." Asher laughed quietly and led me towards his bed so we could sit down. "I was actually just about to watch a movie."

"Oh?" I turned to look at the soft glow of the TV that was turned on.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what brings you by?" Asher smiled and grabbed my hand.

"Well," I swallowed and noticed that he was lacking a rather graceful chest and he smelled like a guy again, "um," I shuffled nervously and blushed when Asher placed his hand underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.

My eyes slammed shut at the sensation of his lips pressed against mine softly for the very first time. Mine responded in kind, moving gently against his not really needing it to be deepened. I was just relishing in the way I was feeling; the way he was making me feel.

His hand drifted to the back of my neck and I parted my lips, gasping. It was getting hotter and he swallowed every gasp I made.

Finally, we pulled back and his forehead pressed against mine. "Wow," he breathed.

I could only nod because he left me speechless.

"Again," Asher whispered and cradled my face in his hands before his lips were back on mine, earning a soft moan.

Yeah, it was all definitely worth the wait.

--


	18. EIGHTEEN

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

***ASHER***

A promise was a promise and I kept them because I would hate for a promise to be broken on me.

Spencer ended up spending the night; we tried to watch a movie but I think we both were way too tired to even get through the opening credits.

I woke up with my arm wrapped around her waist and my face pressed gently against the back of her neck.

"Asher, wake up right now or else!" Kyla came barging through my room and Spencer shot up, jolted from her sleep. "Spencer." A slow smile spread across her face.

"Oh this is so not what it looks like." Spencer slightly panicked and scrambled off the bed in a hurry.

Kyla smirked, leaning against the doorframe with a hand on her hip. "Well it sure as hell isn't art."

"Kyla," I warned slightly.

"Shit, it's after seven!" Spencer raised her voice slightly and pulled on her hoodie before reaching for her house keys on my dresser. "My parents are going to freak when they find Carmen in my bed and not me."

Kyla raised an eyebrow. "Why would Carmen be in your bed?"

"Kyla." I hissed. "She spends most of her time in Spencer's bed," I paused and cleared my throat, correcting myself, "I meant most of her time at Spencer's."

"Well I'm sure Carmen will make up an excuse for you if your parents ask any questions, not that I approve of this," Kyla pointed between us and the messy bed. "Spencer, why don't you take a quick shower and then meet me down in the kitchen so we can start breakfast?"

Spencer swallowed and pointed to herself. "I don't exactly have any other clothes to change in."

"Borrow mine, you can raid my closet." Kyla smiled and pushed Spencer out the door gently. After the blonde left and the door was closed to my bedroom, my sister spun around to look at me. "What the hell is this?" She asked a little too calmly.

"Um, we were sleeping?" I said slowly.

"Asher, please!" She growled slightly and flung my covers up over my bed. "You know, if you wanted a sleepover, you could've asked me if she could spend the night and not just sneak her in here. I thought you knew you could come to me."

"Ky," I whispered and brought my hands up to her shoulder, "I didn't sneak her in here. Look," I sat down in my computer chair and ran my fingers through my hair, "last night at the party, we were in the backyard and things were going great. Then she leans in to kiss me and I freaked out on her."

"Why?" She asked quietly. "I thought you two wanted to kiss each other?"

"We do." I smiled but frowned all too quickly after that. "I was dressed up as Ashley, not exactly how I wanted our first kiss to be."

"Ah," she nodded her head like she understood and continued to pace a little bit around my bedroom, "but why was she here last night?"

"She came knocking on my window not long after I dropped her and Carmen off. God Kyla, we kissed for the very first time and it was amazing." I breathed with a light smile.

"Aww that's sweet." Kyla stopped her movements and stood in front me. "But you do know that you have to tell her everything before you two start getting hot and heavy right?"

I bit my thumbnail and sighed heavily. "I know. This isn't fair to her and every time I tell myself that, I just freeze up and say 'next time'. I also can't help but be a little selfish at the moment. We shared our first kiss and I really don't want it to be our last."

"Really Asher? Are you actually implying that Spencer would walk away from you after telling her?" Kyla frowned. "I'd think she'd understand more than that."

"And what if she does walk away? What if I tell her and she doesn't want to be around me anymore?" I stood up and grabbed a pair of loose jeans and a buttoned up shirt to lay out for after I had a shower.

"How will you know the answer to any of these questions if you don't do the right thing by asking her them, huh?" Kyla smiled and patted my back. "I'm going to start breakfast. Send Spencer down when you're ready to shower."

I swallowed and threw myself on the bed, staring up at my ceiling. "Tonight Davies," I whispered to no one, "you will tell her everything tonight."

Just the thought of telling her was making me antsy but the thought of her reaction was making me feel sick. I wasn't sure what to expect but it sure as hell wouldn't be any hugs and kisses.

I was lying to her flat out.

I was scared because I'd never had someone really like me for who I was.

I also knew that if Spencer were to never forgive me, I deserved it because I was being more than deceitful.

"Hey," Spencer came into my bedroom and touched my shoulder, her lips kissing my cheek, "shower's all yours."

"Thanks." I smiled lightly. "Kyla said she'd like you to help her downstairs if you don't mind, while I shower."

"Sure." Spencer whispered and bit her lip. We stood in front of each other awkwardly before I grabbed my shirt and jeans, heading towards the door. "Ash?" I stopped and faced her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded and chewed on my bottom lip before walking up to her and kissing her softly on the lips, "I'll be quick."

I don't think she believed me when I said I was okay because she nodded slowly and challenged me with her gorgeous blues. After knowing I wasn't going to change my answer, she slipped past me and left me alone in my room.

"Tonight." I said with determination.

--

I held her books for her as we made our way towards our lockers. Spencer was quiet during breakfast but I couldn't blame her, I wasn't exactly vocal either. Kyla was doing most of the talking and managed to call her parents to let them know that Spencer was at our place.

Her parents knew and weren't too worried. They also weren't surprised to find Carmen in Spencer's bed alone. No questions were asked though, only because the 'rents and Kyla had become quite close and figured everything was okay.

I guess I was thankful for that much. However, once I told Spencer the truth, I wasn't sure how they'd see me anymore.

Normally I wouldn't care how people saw me but when Spencer was involved, it scared the shit out of me what they could start saying or doing. Not that I thought that low of any of the Carlins, it was my own insecurities.

"So what's going on?" Spencer finally broke the silence and leaned her back against her locker. "You've been quiet and it's not exactly comforting."

"Sorry," I said and looked down on my shoes. I felt her hands on my cheeks, lifting my head up.

"Don't be sorry Ash, just tell me what's going on." Spencer pleaded softly, her eyes begging me to let her in.

I couldn't. Not at school. That was would be the worst place to drop that atomic bomb.

"Would you like to come over tonight?" I barely whispered, my throat becoming dry at the thought of it. "We can have a small dinner and hang out?"

Spencer smiled softly, nodding her head. Her hands never did move away from my face, instead her thumbs tracing my cheekbones. "Will you tell me what's been going on in that handsome head of yours?"

"Yes." I answered without missing a beat. "Tonight."

"Are you regretting last night?" Spencer asked quietly. "The kiss…"

"The kiss was perfect." I smiled sincerely. "I don't regret any of it, not for a second. Do you?"

"No," Spencer grinned shyly, "but I'm just trying to figure you out."

"Spence, I want to tell you everything okay? But right now is not the time." I begged her to let it go.

She nodded and opened up her locker, throwing a few of her books inside only to have them be replaced with others. After closing her locker, she grabbed me by the belt loops and I braced my hands on either side of her head. "Can I kiss you?" She whispered.

I looked around the school and noticed we had a few onlookers. Spencer was the well-known lesbian who was now dating the new guy. "Are you sure?" I asked, my eyes drifted down to those perfect lips.

Spencer didn't bother to answer me vocally. I felt her fingers flex in my belt loops, pulling me closer. Her lips crashed onto mine and we shared another series of hot kisses against her locker. I cupped the side of her neck, drawing her impossibly closer because I knew by that time the next morning, I'd probably be single again – so I was taking advantage of the situation.

"Walk me to class?" Spencer squeezed my hand after a few minutes of continuous kissing.

"Anything for you." I smiled and grabbed her books yet again, swinging our hands while we stepped into the packed hallways.

I was scared shitless, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Regardless of the outcome.

--


	19. NINETEEN

_In this short moment... the truth is revealed... Enjoy._

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

***SPENCER***

"So how was school today?" Kyla took a bite of the tender chicken on her plate.

The meal wasn't as bad as it was earlier that morning. Asher kept stealing glances my way and making me feel tingly all over.

I was nervous though because whatever he wanted to talk about had to be huge. He wouldn't bring it up at school and he wanted to wait until we all ate something. He wouldn't give me a clue but told me to just let him speak and then whatever I had to say, he'd listen as well.

"Good, Spencer aced her science test." Asher beamed proudly at me, making me blush slightly.

"That's awesome Spence." Kyla raised her glass. "I should thank you for finally getting my brother back into school. He doesn't seem to complain anymore that he needs to be out of the house before eight every morning."

"Ha ha." Asher rolled his eyes. "Look at her Ky, would you want to miss seeing that every day?" He scanned his gaze over me slowly with a lazy smirk spread across his face.

"I see your point." Kyla snickered and winked at me. "However, Carmen would seem more my type."

I nearly spit my water out at the seriousness in her voice. Wow, hot mental image and I did not just have a dirty image of my boyfriend's sister in bed with my best friend.

That wouldn't be considered cheating, would it? It wasn't like I was imagining myself between the two.

"-right Spencer?" Asher was laughing and looking at me. I did not hear a word he said.

"I'm sorry, what?" I blushed deeply and wiped my mouth with my napkin politely.

"I said we could always hook my sister and Carmen up sometime and Justin would never have to know." He sounded amused.

"Thanks but no thanks." Kyla stood up to grab her empty plate. "Nothing against steamy hot lesbian sex, but I really like what's between my man's legs."

I would've shivered at that thought but you know, my boyfriend happened to be right there and equipped.

"Are you two finished?" Kyla asked sweetly, after grabbing our empty plates and leaving us alone.

"I love your sister." I smiled softly. "She really thinks a lot of you."

"And it goes both ways." Asher laughed a little, standing up. "Did you want to go up to my room?"

I got this feeling in my stomach and I wasn't sure what to make of it. He was acting different again, being quiet and constantly wiping his hands on his jeans. I sat on his bed and watched him pace a little before closing the door and leaning against it, taking a deep breath with his eyes closed.

"I can practically feel that heart thumping energy pour off of you Ash, what's going on?" I asked in concern, beckoning him over to sit beside me.

Asher let out a strangled laugh and rubbed his face with his hands before taking a seat next to me. "God, there's no easy way to tell you this," he whispered and then for the first time since entering his room, he looked at me, "I just need you to know that everything I've said to you, I meant. All these feelings I have for you? They're real and I don't ever want you to doubt that."

I scrunched my face up slightly and shook my head. "A-are you breaking up with me?"

His eyes widened and he was quick to answer. "No! No, not at all."

"Did something happen? Did Christine make another crazy appearance?" I asked, trying to really understand what was getting him so worked up.

Asher bit his bottom lip hard, trying to keep himself together. I placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into it briefly.

"Whatever it is, you can trust me." I whispered quietly.

The look on his face, that look that made me want to hold him forever, washed across his whole body. "This isn't easy for me to say and it'll probably be harder for you to hear." I frowned as he got up and dug through his desk drawer before pulling out a small piece of paper. He clutched it to his chest and swallowed heavily before handing it to me. "Don't look at it yet," he whispered and then stood there while I glanced at the paper and then looking up at him, confused.

"What is this?" I held it up slightly. "Asher, what is going on?"

"My real name is Ashley Davies," he said softly, his voice cracking a bit, "I was born as Ashley. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I decided that living my life as a girl wasn't who I was. I was always meant to be a boy and that is how I feel inside."

My head spun and I closed my eyes trying to process what he had just said. I glanced at the paper again and opened it up. There, in my hand, was his birth certificate stating that he was in fact, Ashley Christine Davies. "What?" I asked and stood up, throwing the paper on the bed, "wait, are you saying that underneath all those clothes, you're not male?"

He shook his head.

"And all this time, you led me to believe that you're a guy?"

"Spencer-" He started to say my name but I held up my hand. My heart was racing so fast and so hard.

I felt a little faint and a little hurt to say the least.

Confused as hell, more than anything.

"What the hell, Ash?" I jumped in frustration and moved to his bedroom door, my grip on the handle tightening. "Are you serious right now? Is this some kind of joke?"

"No," he looked down and so scared. "I just wanted to be honest before-"

"Before what? Before we kissed? Before we became a couple exclusively? Before I fell for the nice guy in the neighborhood after spending my whole life pining after women?" I couldn't help but raise my voice a little and gripped the door knob harder. "Why now? Why'd you wait?"

"I was scared!" Asher raised his voice too. "You don't think this was hard for me? God Spencer, you're the only person who has ever treated me like a real guy. The only person who has really listened to me and has made me this extremely happy, I was scared that I'd lose all of that."

I let out an unbelievable laugh and shook my head. "You don't think this was hard for me? I never found any guy attractive until you came along. I struggled so hard with myself and these feelings I had for you, Asher. I… I would lose sleep over it because you made me happy and I was just as scared. You _knew_ how hard it this was for me, you knew that I tried to run from it and you could've taken any of those opportunities to tell me you were once 'Ashley'."

"And have you fall for her?" He asked, a snort to his words.

"You could've trusted me enough to give you the benefit of the doubt." I whispered and finally opened the door. "I can't be here right now."

"Where are you going?" Asher's desperate voice stopped me in my tracks and I could see the tears gathering in his eyes. I could see the fear and sadness roll off of him in waves as he stared at me.

"Home," I whispered, my own voice breaking because in a way, I had felt betrayed but at the same time, he was Asher. He was someone who got me and I didn't want to lose that. "I have to process this and I just, I need to do it alone."

Asher never said anything and allowed me to show myself out.

Once I hit the pathway, I fell to my knees and gasped, no longer able to hide the tears and not wanting to stop them.

--


	20. TWENTY

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

***ASHER***

The mirror in my bedroom got the worst of my anger and frustration. I threw a book at it, causing it to smash and pieces of glass to fall to the floor. I had never felt more ashamed of myself as I did at that moment.

Spencer was right, I could've trusted her enough to tell her the truth before things progressed with us. How would I know how she'd react that? I was scared and that alone made me feel even more insecure.

I always dreamed of falling in love with someone and the moment I did, I screwed it up. It was hard to let her walk away but I wasn't about to push 'this' on her. 'This' being 'Ashley' or 'Asher' or whoever the hell I was supposed to be.

"What the hell is going in here?" Kyla charged through the door and found me standing there with my cell phone clenched in my hands, ready to throw it next. "What happened?"

"I told her the truth," I breathed unevenly, my chest rising and falling rapidly, "and she left."

"Oh Asher." Kyla stepped forward but I stopped her.

"Don't okay? Just, don't call me that." I seethed, trying to fight the stinging feeling in my eyes as tears gathered. "I hurt her."

"Ash," Kyla shook her head and stepped forward anyway, grabbing me and wrapping me up in her arms. She fought against my struggle and finally loosened her hold when she felt like I wasn't about to go anywhere, "I know it probably wasn't easy for you, but it had to happen. Spencer will be back."

"No she won't." I fell to the floor. Exhaustion threatening itself all over my body. "I can't say I don't blame her."

"Stop pulling that boo-hoo act," Kyla whispered and not in a harsh way, "Spencer identified as a lesbian before you came along. She fell for you Asher; that handsome, polite, sweet and romantic young man who swept her off her feet-"

"I don't want to lose her." I mumbled through a hiccup or two.

"Let this blow over, okay? It can't be easy falling for someone of the opposite gender you're attracted too, only find out that they aren't exactly that gender, you know?" She soothed my hair back and kissed my forehead. "And your mirror did not deserve the blunt end of this; that'll be seven years of bad luck for you." Kyla tried to lighten the mood.

"Maybe Christine's right," I got up and wiped off the back of my jeans, "maybe I'm just a freak. Maybe I don't know what I want or who I want to be."

"You're Asher Davies," Kyla stood up and grabbed the collar of my shirt, "you're my brother who is going through a hard time right now and it's understandable why you hid this from Spencer; and you know it's understandable why she walked away the way she did. But it doesn't mean she's gone for good."

I could only nod because a part of me wanted to believe her. A part of me wanted to wake up the next morning and have Spencer call me and tell me that we're not over.

That we're still in love and things would be okay.

The other part of me knew that it probably wouldn't happen that way.

"I gotta go for a run." I grabbed my hoodie and iPod.

"Please don't be gone long?" I could hear the concern in my sister's voice and I nodded, not wanting her to worry too much.

It started out as a walk down the street and soon it picked up and I was running pretty much to the middle of the famous park where Spencer and I first met. I stopped to take a breather, sitting down at a bench.

"What's got you all worked up?" I heard a familiar female voice say as the bench shifted. I looked beside me to find Madison sitting there with her hair pulled back, no make-up on and a smile that could light up the dark park.

"Just like my runs." I shrugged and tried to catch my breath, pulling my headphones out of my ears. "What about you?"

"Everyone knows that the place to escape is the park." Madison smiled and nudged my shoulder. "Of course except the cheerleaders who lack a brain or two. Nah me?" She inhaled the air, "this November air is really all the peace I need."

"Yeah." I replied and ran my hand through my hair, looking over at the empty benches around us. "Where's Aiden?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I'm guessing at the gym or something. He kind of got upset when I refused to go by his place tonight. I needed some alone time, you know? I'm falling behind in my studies and the last thing I need is my mom up my ass about passing to graduate this year."

"You're one of the smartest people I know, I'm sure you'll have no problems there." I said sincerely and she gave me a grateful smile.

"You're full of charm, Davies, I can see why Spencer fell for you." She grinned but it slowly disappeared when she noticed I didn't really respond. "Oh, not a good night for you two?"

I really didn't want to talk about it. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay but if you ever do need someone to talk too…" Madison let the sentence linger and I closed my eyes.

"I just let her in on a secret that she deserved to know since the very beginning." I looked up towards the sky and trembled slightly. "It was stupid and careless of me to let it go for so long. I mean, she was, and _is_ my best friend and God, she should've known."

"Okay Asher," she rubbed my shoulder slightly and carried that same worried frown on her face, "I can't say much because I don't know the circumstances but I'm sure whatever you had to tell her, she'd understand."

"Really?" I laughed a little. "I mean, I'd like to hope so. I'd like to think that her leaving was a good sign."

Madison remained quiet and I couldn't blame her.

"Did you know that when I dressed up as a girl last night, I was actually revealing the real me?" I whispered, biting my blunt thumbnail.

I could feel Madison's eyes on me but didn't dare to look at her. "Ashley?" She quietly whispered and I only nodded, closing my eyes. "Oh."

"Oh is right." I let out a laugh and scratched my head, looking down at my shoes.

"Well that explains the perfect boyfriend status." Madison teased slightly. "I think Aiden's a little jealous of how you can 'woo' the ladies; you really understand us, more than any other guy."

I remained silent. I was waiting for the freak out or harsh comments or the outburst by protecting Spencer, one of her best friends.

It never came.

"Whatever," Madison laughed softly and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "so you were born a girl, who cares? I sure as hell don't. People strive to live their lives every day to be someone they're not just for popularity or attention, yet you're just being who you believe you are. It doesn't change the fact that you're an incredible friend to talk too or a boyfriend who cares about his girlfriend more than anything."

I blinked a few times and glanced over at her. "You're not angry?"

"Nah," she waved her hand slightly, "a little taken aback, sure, but angry? No. You choose to live your life your way, who am I to judge that?" Madison's hand ruffled my hair while she stood up. "Spencer's probably not angry either. Just give her to time to process this."

I only nodded.

"Did you want to walk me home, Asher? I could really use a gentleman to protect me through the park at this hour." Her green eyes sparkled and I couldn't help but smile.

She was definitely getting the 'Best Friend of the Year Award'.

"And no worries," she whispered, her arm looping through mine, "I won't tell a soul."

"Thanks." I whispered quietly.

--


	21. TWENTY ONE

_So why did Asher open up to Madison so quickly and not Spencer? Think about it, you're in love, doesn't matter on age, sex, race... whatever, the heart wants what it wants. And the heart always wants a happy ending, especially when you're totally in love with someone. Asher's fear was that when he told Spencer the truth, he'd lose her. I get it, I'm sure you get it... so after Spencer walked away the way she did, he probably thought there wasn't much else to lose. Therefore being able to voice out loud once more with someone he felt relatively comfortable with, Madison, he was able to embrace the fact that not only can he say it to someone else without that fear, but he gained a friend that was on his side._

_Spencer's post-reaction is next. I'll warn you that the next chapter after this one is rather bold and daring. Something I'm not entirely familiar with but I happened to put myself in somewhat larger shoes in order to see where I'd be if this were the case I found myself in. I don't mean to step over boundaries and misinterpret things at all, so I apologize in advance. In the meantime, let's explore the flip side of Spencer's 'freak' out._

_You've all been amazing. Thank you. :)_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

***SPENCER***

I coughed slightly and handed Carmen the bong back, situating myself in the back seat of her car comfortably. The buzz I was feeling couldn't even mask the feeling in my heart.

I was heartbroken but not because Asher and I broke-up - we didn't break up. I was just feeling betrayed in some way. I struggled really hard with these feelings and it was a little weird knowing that the guy I fell for, hard I may add, wasn't a guy after all, he was a she.

Only he wasn't a she to me.

Asher was still Asher because that was who I had the privilege of getting to know.

"So do you wanna tell me why you felt the need to raid my emergency stash and smoke this shit in peace?" Carmen took a sip of water before bringing the lighter up to her face, playing with the flame.

"Have you ever fallen in love?" I asked, closing my eyes.

"Almost," Carmen shrugged, "but then I realized you made a better friend."

"I have." I ignored her comment and sighed heavily. "Asher."

"I know," I could hear the smile in her voice, "you only talk about him all the time."

"Yea," I murmured, "I need to tell you a secret but if you tell anyone, I'll cut off your tits and sell them on the black market."

"I'm rather fond of my tits so I swear I won't say anything." Carmen hiccupped with a laugh.

"Asher's Ashley." I sat up a little and scratched my neck.

"Huh?" Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Asher is Ashley. He was born a girl and he just told me tonight." I blinked slowly, picturing his crestfallen face as I left him alone in his bedroom.

"No shit?!" Carmen squealed and threw the bong on the floor, crawling over to pounce on my lap. "You mean those really were his real breasts?"

"Yeah." I nodded and looked up at my best friend. "I think I was a bitch to him when he told me, you know? I kind of just left."

"Spence," Carmen whined and slapped me lightly across the face, "do you realize how hard that must've been for him to tell you that?"

"I know." I shoved her off of me and opened the back door, falling out on the ground. The cool grass was making me feel a little more sober. "I just felt betrayed."

"I understand that," she sat down beside me, "but think about it for a second, think about him," she reached in her back pocket and grabbed a cigarette, "what do you feel?"

"I feel horrible. I feel confused. I feel like I should be there, talking to him about this because I know it probably wasn't easy for him." I sat up and coughed as the nicotine smoke reached my nostrils. "I need to see him."

"You might wanna go home first and clean up a bit," Carmen helped me up, butting out her smoke before wiping the dirt off my clothes.

"Yeah." I nodded slowly and stuffed my hands in my pockets, walking out of Carmen's driveway.

"Hey Spence?" She grabbed my wrist gently, "you do notice that whenever you refer to Asher, you use 'he'?"

"Asher is a he." I whispered. "He is who I fell for."

"Go and get him." Carmen slapped my ass before running up her porch steps. "Call me when you can, kay?"

I waved and started a light jog down the street, towards my house.

--

I tried calling Asher's cell phone on my walk home but I didn't get through. I didn't want to think that he was ignoring me but you never know – he could be embarrassed or angry at me for just leaving the way I did.

When I got home, I was thankful no one was there. I shut the front door, not even bothering to lock it because it was the furthest thing from my mind. After showering and getting dressed, I tried his number again and it went straight to his voicemail.

"_**Asher, please call me as soon as you get this? I just… I just want to see if you're okay. I'm sorry…"**_ I sighed and hung up, sitting down on my bed and rubbing my head forcefully.

Not really wanting to because I feared hearing Kyla yell at me over the phone, I tried their house phone and it was picked up after one ring. "Hello?"

"Kyla, hey," I barely choked out, "um, is Asher there?"

"_No," _she didn't sound mad at me, _"he left but I'm sure he'll be back soon." _Kyla kept her voice light.

"Oh okay. I tried calling his cell…"

"_Yea, he kind of left it behind. No worries Spencer, as soon as he gets in, I'll get him to call you."_ Kyla's voice was laced with concern but gave me no reason not to believe her.

I wasn't sure what to do. Obviously Asher wasn't home so it wouldn't do me any good to go and see him. I could sneak into his window and wait for him but for some reason I didn't think that would be the brightest plan.

I took the time to really process the truth that was revealed to me. Asher was born a girl. The same girl that was at the Halloween party the night before. I closed my eyes and fell backwards on my bed, thinking about all of it, soaking it in.

Was he trying to tell me in his own subtle way? Was he hoping I'd catch on?

It would certainly explain why he freaked when I tried to kiss him in the backyard at the party. I know I would've probably reacted the same way if I were in his shoes.

It couldn't be easy for him to live a life that way. Being born someone completely different than what you feel inside? It wasn't that hard for me to come out as a 'lesbian' because everyone pretty much knew. I refused to like the boys or even give them a chance. But to admit that I liked Asher, who I thought was purely male? It was hard for me to even think about it. It was like coming out all over again and saying 'hey, I'm straight!'

Then I really stopped to think about it and wondered how hard Asher had it with his life. The shock was wearing off and I think I reacted a little excessively. I felt sick leaving his place but not because I was disgusted in any way but because maybe in some twisted way, it confirmed that I really, truly, fell in love with _him_, Asher.

It was hard to describe exactly what I was feeling but foolish was easy to pick out.

Of course I knew where he was, why didn't I think of it before?

The park. Our park.

No sooner did I swing my bedroom door open, I felt hands brace my face and lips fall desperately upon mine. I knew who those hands belonged to, I knew who those lips belonged to and I knew exactly who was kissing me.

I pulled back after struggling to catch my breath and found Asher standing there with tears down his face. "Ash…"

I didn't get a response from him; he just pushed forward and kissed me again. I let him because I knew that was what he needed and it was something I wanted.

--


	22. TWENTY TWO

_**Picture this:** You realize that you're in love with someone who could very much be in love with who you're not. Granted you two never talked about it, or never had the time but there's a fear that lies deep within you that maybe this person wants a part of you that you simply cannot give them. Maybe this person just wants you and you're the one that's allowing your fear to overrun everything you're feeling inside, so much so that you you're not stopping to hear what they wan t... from you or from each other._

_This scene was a challenge in itself._

_This is rated R._

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

***ASHER***

_This is not the man I hoped to be  
And I'm just trying to stop the bleeding  
I don't know how to word it  
I just started to deserve it  
And all my, all my faces are alibis  
And me, I'm half the man I wanted to be_

After walking Madison home, I couldn't help but have that nagging feeling that Spencer and I weren't going to last – call it a really bad case of insecurities if you must.

When I went to call Kyla to let her know I was heading home, I realized that I stormed out of the house without my cell.

I couldn't tell you how I got the thought process in my head to go over to Spencer's and prove to her that I would be whatever or whoever she wanted me to be – just as long as she'd have me.

Desperation was a sin in its own in case like this. Just the thoughts of losing her in any way made me want to scream and cry all at the same time.

I thought telling Spencer was the scariest thing I had to face – but where I was – standing in front of Spencer at that precise moment, had to top that.

I noticed her bedroom light on and knocked on the front door. When I got no answer, I let myself in, knowing questions wouldn't be asked if her parents and Glen didn't know anything; even if they did, I wasn't there to appease them, I was there to _prove_ to Spencer that I was… I needed her.

The second she opened up her bedroom door, I felt that pull to grab her and kiss her. I felt that burning of fear settle itself in the pit of my stomach knowing that she could just push me back and slam that door in my face – I was grasping at straws and I knew it.

She did pull back and she did say my name in the softest most concerned whisper, but I couldn't break down – not at that moment.

I pulled her back in and she let me kiss her. She let me close the door with my foot while my hands kept her close to me.

It was a desperate kiss but in no way sloppy. It was one that she returned, her fists bunching up the front of my shirt as lips trembled together. I wanted to sob because I was scared I'd never feel this again.

"Ash," Spencer's voice was low and she pulled back, her darkened blue watery eyes searched mine, "where did you go? I tried calling you."

My dry throat wouldn't let me speak even if I wanted to. I just stepped forward, making her step backwards until she sat on the edge of the bed. My shaking hands grasped the bottom of my shirt, lifting it up over my head, revealing the wrap around my chest.

I heard her say my name again but ignored it as I unraveled the material and dropped it to the ground. The slight gasp from her made me close my eyes but I refused to let that stop me.

Before I knew it, I was standing in Spencer's bedroom completely naked and she wasn't looking anywhere below my neck. Her eyes were still penetrating deeply into my own with a sense of questioning behind them.

I closed the space and kissed her, having to wrap her arms around my waist but the action made her jump up and step back.

"Spence, please." I whispered, not trusting my voice long enough to speak louder.

"What are you doing?" Spencer attempted to pick up the hoodie and my pants but I grabbed her hands and pulled her to me. "Ash, this isn't you." She softly whispered.

"Please." Was my only reply, wrapping my fingers in those long golden locks, my mouth seeking hers once more.

Spencer put up a fight but I needed her to know that I was hers. _All_ of me was hers and I had to let her know that by showing her.

I wasn't sure how I won but I found myself on my back, her mattress cushioning me while she kissed me with such softness, I barely felt it.

Maybe it was something I was trying to prove to myself as well; maybe I thought that if I could be 'her' for just one night, I could be 'her' for Spencer Carlin.

I couldn't take rejection of any sort at that moment and Spencer was going to pull away. I clutched on to her, my lips grazing her ear, my hand grabbing hers and trailing it down my skin to where I thought I'd need her most, "please."

I heard a small moan slip from her lips and she pulled back, her bottom lip tucked securely between her perfect teeth. I nodded silently and pulled her to me again.

She stripped slowly, making sure I wasn't going anywhere and then settled back on top of me.

I would be lying if I said it didn't at least feel amazing to have her skin pressed against mine.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't at least a little excited and nervous all at once.

I wasn't sure if I wanted her to be as gentle as she was being. A part of me wished she'd just _take_ me but at the same time, it was nice knowing she didn't want to step over any boundaries.

Yes, her fingers worked magic everywhere on me – in me.

Tears were falling freely with each push and pull she made. I was enjoying it, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't help but feel like I was, in some way, betraying myself. Betraying who I was and the hard work I had put into being _me._

Was I regretting my choice to have Spencer make love to Ashley? No.

Would I let it happen again? No.

I came as she held me close to her. She whispered softly in my ear, her hands stroking my neck, my face and running through my hair. Spencer was kissing my tears away and allowed me to briefly let my whole guard down.

When my own hands trailed unsure patterns down the softness of her stomach, she shook her head and stopped me, her lips on mine in a gentle whisper. I closed my eyes, partially out of relief because I had just done something I swore I'd never do again, and partially because I was scared she'd want this.. 'her'… _Ashley_.

"We need to talk about this." Spencer finally spoke, her voice was so light.

I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to try and explain why I felt the need to shed Asher for one night in hopes that it'd make her happy. In hopes that maybe I could be what she wanted – a girl.

I tucked some stray hair behind her ears and let out a shaky breath before I felt it all crash around me. I felt everything inside me explode and broke down.

Spencer held me until I fell asleep. I don't remember falling asleep but when I woke up, the sun was barely peeking over the horizon and I was wrapped up around her sheets, her arms tangled with mine. She looked rather peaceful and I swallowed, wiping my face from the tears that had dried overnight.

I managed to kiss her cheek and get out of bed without waking her. I grabbed my clothes and tugged them on, stuffing the wrap in my pocket.

My heart broke all over again because the images of the night before; Spencer touching me, it all came flooding back. I didn't want to be the girl that was beneath her, moaning softly at every kiss and gasping at every passing stroke.

If 'Ashley' was who she wanted, then I couldn't be with her.

I thought I could – my intentions were to prove that but…

I couldn't.

One last look at her sleeping frame, I quietly slipped out and managed to escape the house without getting caught.

I sprinted home faster than I ever have before and the moment Kyla saw me, it was like she knew where I was and what I had done.

She allowed me to collapse into her and cry until I couldn't cry anymore.

I knew the night before meant at least one solid thing:

Ashley Davies was gone forever.

--


	23. TWENTY THREE

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

***SPENCER***

I wasn't all that surprised to find Asher gone the next morning. I wrapped myself up in my top comforter and made my way downstairs. No one was up yet and there was no note or sign of Asher anywhere.

I groaned and rubbed my temples forcefully before making my way up to my bedroom.

Then the activities of the night before flooded through me. The way he begged me to touch 'her'. The way he pleaded when he wanted me to kiss 'her'. The way he felt, trembling so obviously in my arms afterwards, after I had made love to 'her'.

It wasn't exactly how I pictured our first time. It wasn't really 'our' first time to begin with.

"Fuck Spencer, you're so fucking stupid." I snarled, picking out fresh clothes to throw on after I had a quick shower.

Granted I tried to push Asher away when he approached me the night before but I didn't expect him to take off all his clothes. I didn't want to be the cause of him denying his identity but he wouldn't let me stop.

His brown soulful eyes pleaded with me and I couldn't let him down – not again.

After it was all said and done, I knew he regretted it. I knew he was uncomfortable, even if the tears never gave him away. So I held him; that was all I knew I could do.

"Spence, where are you going?" I heard my mother come out of her bedroom, dressed and ready to face another day at the hospital.

"I'm going to see Asher." I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my house keys.

"How are you two anyway?" She asked in her concerned motherly tone. "I have to say Spence, I've supported you when you told us you liked girls, but I won't lie and say it isn't nice to see Asher put a smile on your face."

"Yeah." I nodded and grabbed a light coat. "He's wonderful Mom, I'm glad you like him." I shut the door behind me and started off towards the other side of the neighborhood.

"Hey gorgeous, wanna ride?" Madison pulled up to the sidewalk and leaned over her console to look at me. "Where're you headin?"

"Asher's," I pointed down the street, "I'm like two blocks away Mads, it's okay."

"Really, hop in." She opened the passenger door and looked like she wasn't going to take no for an answer – so I jumped in the car with her. "You know, I ran into Asher at the park last night." She pulled slowly back onto the road.

I tensed a little because I knew those two were becoming fast best friends. "He likes the park." I murmured, trying not to give anything.

"Spence, don't get mad at him but he told me everything." Madison slowed down as we approached Asher's house. "He was upset and scared that he screwed everything up. He regrets not telling you sooner."

"Mad," I whispered, "Asher is amazing and even though I freaked, it wasn't for that reason."

"I know." She smiled softly and stopped the car. "You are so lucky he's head over heels for you and that I enjoy my dysfunctional relationship with Aiden," she pointed to the house, "or else you'd have serious competition."

I snorted and opened the door. "Yea, you wish." We shared a small laugh and I nodded. "Thank you for the ride and for being there for him."

"Go on and get your man." Madison winked and revved her engine before peeling out of the driveway.

I smoothed out my jacket and inhaled sharply before taking a deep breath. I was face to face with the front door and never even acknowledged my hand rising to ring the doorbell.

"Spence!" Kyla swung the door open and looked more than a little shocked to see me there. "What are you doing here?"

"May I see Asher?" I stepped inside and she shut the door behind me.

"Let me go see if he's done getting ready." Kyla went to move ahead of me but I stopped her.

"I know where his room is," I nodded softly, "but thank you."

"Spence, I really think you should…" her voice died down when she realized I wasn't about to stop moving towards my destination.

Asher's bedroom door was opened slightly and I could see his shadow moving around the room. I opened the door wider and bit my lip when our eyes caught each others in the reflection of his broken mirror. He was half dressed in his boxer's and his hands were busy wrapping material around his chest.

He looked so scared and fragile.

I wasn't told to get out so I took the opportunity to approach him and silently take the wrap from his hands and help him move it around his chest. He took a deep breath, like he was preparing for the worst.

My fingers slid along his spine, my lips gently finding his shoulder before I picked up the pin and attached the material together. He wouldn't look at me, almost like he was feeling ashamed and that was the last thing I wanted him to feel.

I grabbed a pair of his jeans and helped him in them. I found a vintage 'The Doors' shirt and watched as he put it on. Asher Davies was gorgeous.

"Spencer." Asher whispered shakily when I picked up the flesh coloured fake body part that was on his bed beside him.

"It's okay." I whispered back just as quietly. I moved my hand and undid the zipper on his jeans before sliding my hand in and I felt his hand grabbing mine, helping me 'adjust' him.

I stood right in front of him, my eyes etching over every freckle and mark on his face. I looked closer only to find tear track marks and my thumbs rubbed over his cheeks gently. "You shouldn't be crying over a girl like me."

Asher shrugged and stepped back, closing his eyes.

"Ash," I sighed and allowed him the space he needed between us, "we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk." He swallowed heavily.

"But we need too," I stressed and ran my fingers through my hair, "last night was amazing. I am so grateful that you gave me a part of yourself. It probably wasn't easy."

"Spencer, I said I didn't want to talk." Asher whispered desperately.

"Hear me out," I pleaded and grabbed his hand, pushing him back on his bed before finding a seat beside him, "as amazing as last night was – it's never going to happen again."

"Yea, you're right." Asher sighed. "I can't-"

"I won't let you." I smiled a little and he cocked his head to the side. "I am blessed to have shared that with you but it's not how I pictured our first time."

"No, you pictured it with Asher, a male with the body part." He stared at me.

"No," I corrected him, "oddly enough I never pictured that either. Look," I released the breath I was holding, "I got upset because I literally drove myself crazy thinking about how I could possibly fall for a guy when all I have wanted were girls. You come along and you prove to me that I can love someone who isn't made up of boobs. After we admitted feelings to each other, it was no longer about the gender aspect Ash, it was about the fact that you got me. You let me rant on about how fucked up society is and you let me be someone giddy when I never used to be. You would hold my hand in a crowd full of people without a care in the world. You let me in."

I ran my hands through his shaggy hair and bit my lip. "At first I thought that you had betrayed the trust because you didn't tell me sooner. I get it though, I mean now I do. Apart from being scared of rejection, you were scared that I'd want to see the 'Ashley' side of you because I like girls. So it was a big deal for you to come clean regardless. Then last night you come to my home and you strip completely bare, baring your soul to me, and I realized that trust had nothing to do with it. I was stupid to run out like that and not consider how _you_ were feeling."

"I thought that was what you wanted." Asher's confession seemed so broken and torn. It briefly made me wonder if I gave him a reason to even think that.

"No, God no Asher." I squeezed his hand and pressed my forehead against his. "Ashley could have probably been an amazing girlfriend," I tried to get my words across carefully, "but Asher is the most amazing _person_ I have been given the honour of meeting and getting to know. You can't be Ashley anyway because I fell head over heels, completely in love with you." I brought my hand up to his chest, splayed above his heart. "This you."

I could see the trepidation in his eyes, his uncertainty and it broke my heart but then a small smile broke out onto his face. "You honestly mean that?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." I shrugged and grabbed the back of his neck, my lips touching his briefly. "So does this mean I get my incredibly sexy boyfriend back?"

Asher laughed softly and wiped the tears from his eyes before kissing me a little harder that time. "I meant the part that you're in love with me."

"Completely." I nodded and added, "head over heels."

"Spence," he became serious, "I'll understand if I'm not what you want or need. You may seem to know right now, but things will be different when I can allow them to be."

"You mean like, surgery?" I asked quietly.

"Eventually." He shrugged and stood up, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "You don't find it weird?"

"What?" I frowned, tilting my head slightly.

"Last night? I mean, being with 'her'." Asher's face turned slightly red.

I licked my lips and sighed, looking at him with a small smile. "No. Like I said, I'm honoured that you could share that part of 'you' with me but it isn't who you are and I tried telling you that." I stood up with him. "I don't care that you were born a girl and I probably would've never figured it out until the obvious of course. Please rest assured that I really _really_ fell for the handsome guy that you are."

"How are you not freaking right now? I'd totally understand if you are." Asher crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yea well, it doesn't change who I got to know." I shrugged and grabbed a belt that was lying over the computer chair, playing with the belt buckle. "Can we just please not hide anything anymore?"

"I like the sound of that." He cleared his throat when I started to loop the belt through his jeans.

"So," I tugged on the belt and pulled him closer to me, "since we will be spilling our guts out these next couple of days, I have a confession to make."

Asher wasn't looking at my face but he was looking at my hands work his belt, buckling it up and then smoothing my thumbs over the hardness of his stomach. "Okay…" he breathed.

"Last night during dinner, when Kyla was talking about Carmen," I smirked a little as his head snapped up to look at me, "I have to say that I totally pictured them getting it on."

"I know." Asher snorted and shook his head lightly. "You zoned and got that glazed look in your eyes," he shrugged, "just as long as you weren't picturing yourself between them," he glared at me, "you didn't, did you?"

Well not until he had to say it out loud, no.

"No, I didn't." I blushed a little, "until now."

"Spencer!" Asher huffed a little and grabbed the hem of my shirt, this time pulling me towards him. "What am I going to do with you?"

I could think of a few things but I wouldn't vocalize them because it wasn't exactly the right time.

I sat back down on his bed and leaned back a bit, "would you like to tell me more about the transition?"

"Oh," he swallowed heavily and scratched the back of his neck, "not much to tell really. My mind is pretty much set on it all. Kyla's been helping me with the testosterone pills, paying for them and such. I guess my body's reacting a little slower than most, since I have no facial hair yet or anything."

I nodded and bit my lip. "This information makes me love your sister that much more." I confessed. "But not in that 'she's hot' kind of way, just that she really cares about you and supports you completely."

"Are you saying my sister is hot?" Asher teased lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. He let out a laugh when I blushed slightly, "I'm just teasing you Spence, you're so cute." It was the first time he laughed genuinely since the first time we kissed. "I get that you're going to find women attractive still…"

"True," I shrugged and allowed him to knock me backwards on the bed, his body moving to lay beside mine, "but so will you."

Asher smiled softly and sighed. "I'm sorry about last night Spence, I really didn't mean to taint anything. I was just so scared and nervous and I thought that if I could maybe be 'her', we'd be happy and there'd be no confusion anymore."

"I am happy." I kissed the tip of his chin. "I'm not confused anymore and I haven't been for a little while now. A body part is just another body part, right? That doesn't define who you are."

"I uh, I don't entirely regret last night," he whispered quietly, "I won't do it again but I guess in a way I'm glad it happened. It's hard to explain why I did it, Spence, it's hard to get you to understand it all."

"I don't need to understand it all Asher, you just need to know that I'm here with you and you alone." I whispered just as quietly. "Madison said she ran into you last night at the park."

"Yeah, don't be mad but I told her." Asher winced as if he thought I was going to be upset.

"I think it's great that you have someone else to talk about it with," I smiled and shrugged, "Madison really respects and likes you, she's an amazing friend."

"She really is." He agreed.

I turned on my side and propped myself up on my elbow. "I told Carmen," I murmured, scared that he'd be upset with me, "but I threatened her if she told anyone and I trust her completely."

Asher looked like he was in thought and then smiled a little. "If you trust her, I trust her." He moved a little closer to me and I felt his breath grazing my cheek, his thumb brushing down my neck. I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply when his lips traced the shell of my ear. "I'm in love with you too, Spencer." He whispered so softly that I thought I was dreaming it.

--

_Maybe loving someone isn't that hard after all. Maybe loving someone just is. Two more chapters to go and this will be complete! :)_


	24. TWENTY FOUR

**TWENTY-FOUR**

***ASHER***

Three weeks had gone by since I told Spencer my secret. We've been inseparable and life was good for me.

Kyla was proud that I had told Spencer the truth but she was even more ecstatic when she found out that Spencer and I were still dating.

I would admit that there are awkward moments between us though. The moments when we're watching a movie and I felt a kiss to my neck, or when my fingers absentmindedly drew circles on the bare skin of her stomach when her shirt rode up. Those moments when you want to roll over and make out heavily because your blood is pumping and you know it'd feel so good.

Don't get me wrong, I found myself hovering over Spencer plenty of times, enjoying the deep kisses and the feel of her fingertips lightly pressed against the skin of my lower back. In the end however, we'd end up frustrated because I wasn't ready to do anything else.

Spencer had been the perfect girlfriend. She understood when I needed time to cool off after the way her tongue traced my lips or ears. She understood why I didn't want to progress our intimate relationship even further and she admitted that she wasn't entirely ready either.

Madison had taken me out a couple of times; she wanted to get to know me more which was nice. I felt like I could trust her and she never gave me a reason not to. She never treated me any differently then she had before.

"Aiden's really getting jealous of you," Madison smirked as she dropped her books down on our regular lunch table, "he thinks I'm trying to move on."

I snorted and adjusted my baseball cap, straddling the bench. "He does know I have a girlfriend right?"

"He's Aiden," Spencer laughed as she sat down beside me, "if you're looking at his girl, he thinks you want her."

Madison laughed out loud. "Like this one time when Spencer asked me to head to the mall with her and then catch a movie, he totally thought she asked me out and I had agreed."

"Ew right?" Spencer stuck her tongue and bit into her apple.

"Spencer!" Madison feigned hurt and then smiled.

"Where is Aiden anyway?" I asked.

"Working out probably." She shrugged and flipped her hair back over her shoulders. "So what do you two lovebirds have planned for tonight or this weekend?" She raised a playful eyebrow.

"Spencer's busy with Carmen until nine and I promised Kyla I'd be the good brother and spend time with her." I sighed.

"Sounds interesting." The Latina yawned and stood up. "Well if you two get bored you should come over to my house. We could watch movies or something."

"And catch crabs? No thanks." Carmen came up behind us and flopped down beside Spencer. "I think all the trig work gave me a migraine."

"Thinking period gives you a migraine." Madison shook her head, not even being bothered by the crabs insult. "I'm going to find my man, I'll catch you losers later." She sneered in her best valley girl impersonation and then winked while walking away.

"You think she'd totally fuck me one day?" Carmen asked out of nowhere.

"What?!" Spencer shrieked and slapped Carmen upside the head.

"Ow! I was just wondering, God." The brunette scowled. "I bet Aiden doesn't even know how to satisfy a woman."

"I agree." I shrugged my shoulders and caught Spencer looking at me. "What?" I laughed. "Seriously Spence, can you see Aiden working his mojo to perfection in order to satisfy someone as feisty as Mads?"

It was amusing to watch Spencer's facial expressions as she pictured it. It was one of disgust but then her eyes glazed over and she smirked. "Well the Aiden thing scarred me but the fact that Carmen and Madi would be hot together…"

"Score!" Carmen high fived her best friend and the stopped when she noticed my not so amused look anymore. "Uh, bell's gonna ring in 20 minutes so I'm going to go and start heading to class…. See ya." She kissed Spencer's cheek and took off down the courtyard.

"Do you always picture your friends together?" I asked, a slight smirk crossing my face.

"Only when my boyfriend tells me to," she answered with a straight face and moved closer to me, her hand cupping the side of my face. "I really only picture us though." Spencer pushed forward and kissed me gently.

I whimpered. "Do you have to spend time with Carmen tonight?"

We both neglected our friends for the past three weeks and made a promise to spend time with them more often. It wasn't working out well because we'd always think of a way to sabotage that time and be together anyway.

I just really grew accustomed to having Spencer near me.

"Asher, you have to spend time with Ky." She whispered softly. "I don't want to keep coming between you two."

"I know." I huffed and she adjusted my hat. "Can you come over afterwards?"

"Definitely." Spencer glanced around the quad before scrambling onto my lap and kissing the hell out of me.

To say that over half the guys at King High were jealous was an understatement. Aiden would tell me the guys thought that I was a 'God' for hooking up with the hottest lesbian at school and I just tell him to tell them to grow up. Male egos were a bitch to defeat but as sad as it was, unfortunately that was how most of their minds worked.

"Go Davies!" I heard Marcus laugh as a few of his buddies walked by us.

Spencer blushed and slid off my lap, her eyes never leaving mine. "Sorry, I kinda got carried away." She whispered and started to pile up her books.

"I really don't mind." I grinned and got up to throw our lunch trash away and then waited for her to take my hand while we walked towards our lockers.

"Are you sure you want me over tonight?" Spencer leaned against her locker, biting her bottom lip. "Kyla won't mind?"

"Kyla loves you." I smiled and leaned over her, my hand resting by her head. "She won't mind if you come over. Besides, there's only so much she can take of me."

"Okay." Her golden locks fell over her shoulders and she gave me the biggest grin ever. "I'll see you after class baby."

"After class." I nodded and kissed her before handing her books back to her.

--

Spencer and Carmen decided to compromise on a plan. I'd get Spencer until it was time for her to go to dinner and a movie with Carmen and then I'd spend the rest of my evening with my sister – probably watching some tragic love story or something.

Kyla liked that plan, however she was a little bummed that Spencer couldn't stay for dinner. "Are you sure? You can invite Carmen over if you'd like."

Spencer nodded softly. "It sounds like a really great offer Ky but I already promised Carmen I'd hang out tonight."

"Why the frown Kyla?" I snickered. "Spencer just got here."

"I know but I miss Justin and I like the company." Kyla sighed and pouted slightly. "Not that I don't like your company alone Ash, I just like Spencer."

I could tell my girlfriend was blushing slightly and nudged her. "No dirty thoughts." I whispered in her ear teasingly which only made her blush even deeper before slugging me a good one on the arm and excusing herself to grab a drink.

"You two are just so adorable together." Kyla smiled. "Reminds me of when Justin and I started dating."

"Have you heard from him lately?" I knew the 'Justin' subject was a sore one but I wanted to be a good brother and check in with my sister every once in a while.

"He called a couple of nights ago. I got a few letters in the mail and he hopes that in the near future he can come home." Kyla sighed softly and we both watched as Spencer came back in with a bottle of water for each of us. "Thank you Spence."

Time passed way too fast before we heard the doorbell ring. Spencer looked up at the clock and huffed. "She was supposed to drop by around six, not five."

I shrugged. "Kyla can tell her we're busy."

"Right." Spencer laughed when Kyla got up to answer the door.

I frowned when I heard my sister's low hissing voice and got up to see if everything was okay. It was an understatement to say how shocked I was to find Christine standing there once again.

I panicked.

I did not need another break down at the moment.

"Spence," I approached her in a shaky voice, "please just stay in here for a moment okay?"

Spencer frowned and sat up straight on the couch. "Asher, what's wrong?"

"I'll tell you, just please stay here?" I pleaded and kissed her once when she nodded, but her face didn't look amused. We promised no secrets and I wasn't going to keep anything a secret from her.

Christine was at our front door and I just needed to moment to process why the fuck she would be there.

"Oh relax, I'm here on business." Christine pushed past us and made her way directly to the kitchen with a bulk envelope in her hand.

"I never said you were welcomed in my home," Kyla trailed behind her, "in fact I kicked your ass out last time!"

"Asher." Spencer frowned from the couch and I sighed, sitting down next to her. "Who is that?"

"Christine." I squeezed her knee. "I need to see what she wants."

"I'm not leaving." Spencer scowled. "I'll respect your suggestion for me to sit here, but I'm not leaving."

Knowing there was no point in arguing, I nodded and kissed her briefly. "I'll be back."

As I approached the kitchen, I noticed Kyla scowling over papers that were in her hand and Christine spotted me.

"Oh honey, I love that you're growing your hair out. It's about time." She moved to touch me and I side stepped her.

"What is this about?" I asked gruffly.

"I'm moving out of Florida." She answered rather shortly. "I need you to sign these papers so I can get the house sold."

I blinked. "What?"

"Ashley, please." Christine said unenthused.

"Asher." Kyla corrected venomously. "You want him to sign this?"

I snatched the papers out of her hand and read them over. Oh! I get it. Mommy Dearest comes to her child when she wanted or needed something.

"It says here that I'm head of Estate on Dad's things." I raised an eyebrow. "Including the house."

"Wow, you can read." Christine rubbed her temples and placed her copy down on the table. "Please, just sign this so I can sell the house and move on? You'll get millions in your account in a month on your eighteenth anyway."

"Wait," I had to laugh a little and leaned over the table to look at her, "you mean you want me to sign the house over to you in order to sell it and get money? What happened to the million you received after Raife passed away, Christine? Did your last man candy take off with it?"

"I'm not in mood." She hissed lowly. "I didn't fly here to argue about this. Just sign the damn papers so I can get out of your life for good."

Whatever. "So what you're saying is that if I don't sign this, the house in Miami is mine?"

Kyla stood there wide-eyed and watched as Christine rose slowly from her seat and stepped closer to me.

"Do I have to ask you politely?" She sneered.

"It'd be a start." I mumbled harshly and stepped back a bit. "Not saying it'll help."

"Fine, you want me to respect who you are, Ash_er_? Is that what you want?" Christine's cold glare cut me deep but I didn't let her know how much her hatred vibes were affecting me.

"I don't want anything from you Christine." I whispered and looked at the papers that were in my hand. "If I sign these, you will be out of life for good?" She nodded. "Just one signature?"

"Ash, just sign the _fucking_ papers." Christine growled in frustration.

I laughed and stood next to Kyla, my only family, "sorry you wasted your time _mother_," I took the stack of papers and ripped them up. "You want to move out of the house? Sure. I give you until next month to find a place to live and if your ass isn't out of there, I'll be forced to take legal action."

Kyla burst into laughter and I smiled smugly at the horrid look on Christine's face.

"You can't do this to me!" She shouted.

"No? I think I just did." I crossed my arms over my chest. "How does it feel like to be left out in the cold, hmm?"

"You'll regret this you little bitch." Christine seethed and I straightened up, watching her brown eyes grow even darker with hatred. "And do you really think you'll find someone to love you looking like that?"

"I do." Spencer said from the doorway, her blue eyes staring at the taller brunette.

Christine gave Spencer the once over and then looked at me with a small smirk. "Lying to get a girlfriend?" She looked back over at the blonde. "You just wait until you find out the truth about who it really is."

Spencer frowned and clenched her fists. "Who gives you the right to come in here and start trouble? And you know what? The name on Asher's birth certificate doesn't change who he is, okay? You wouldn't get that though, you selfish gold digging bitch." She appeared right in front of Christine's face, their faces inches apart, "I don't know you but I really don't like you."

Christine blinked a few times before shoving Spencer out of her way and grabbing her purse. "You're all freaks."

Spencer swallowed and moved quickly to my side, her arm wrapping around my waist.

"I'll show your ass out the door." Kyla grabbed Christine's wrist and dragged her away.

I faced Spencer and she quickly apologized. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"For what?" I smiled a little and cupped her cheek briefly.

"I didn't stay put." Her blonde hair fell forward. "But I heard yelling and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"It's okay." I kissed the tip of her nose. "On the bright side, we've got a nice home in Miami to take off to on Spring Break." I watched her smile grow wide and she buried her face in my neck. "Spence, I still can't believe you want me."

"Of course." Spencer whispered and kissed me softly. "All the girls at King are jealous because I happen to have the hottest, sexiest most gorgeous man at school."

I blushed and no matter how many times that she told me I was all those things, it still felt so unreal.

"And all the guys are jealous because they never had a shot with you." I grinned.

"So millionaire boyfriend," she looped her arm through mine, "did you want to blow this stand and go out and celebrate your new found fortune?"

"What about Carmen?" I reminded her.

"She can come." Spencer smiled and played with my collar. "Kyla will be there. Those two like to flirt."

It was true. Then again Kyla liked to flirt with Spencer as well.

Justin needed to get his ass home quick.

"Spencer, you were fucking awesome with Christine!" Kyla squealed, rushing up to give the blonde a hug. "You told her, man."

"Don't ever get on my bad side." Spencer warned teasingly.

"I can't believe you just ripped that house from under Christine's feet just like that." Kyla breathed after laughing so hard. "I can't wait to tell Justin!"

I wasn't a complete asshole. I'd give Christine time to move out and find some rich man to leech on.

Two months tops.

--

_One last chapter to go! :)_


	25. TWENTY FIVE, EPILOGUE

**_Wow. So this is it! I had thrown the ending chapter together with the epilogue and I'm sure you'll know when you read that flashbacks are in italics._**

**_So as I've mentioned in the very beginning, this fic was a challenge that was posted by _drastikblinder _. I hope I did it justice and it turned out at least half as good as expected. :) _**

**_Other credentials go to Marianas Trench for the inspiration with their song "Alibis". Lyrics in the beginning of certain chapters were from that song as well as the title of this fic! _**

**_I don't own SoN!_**

**_Thank you all for the supportive feedback and for taking time out of your day/evening to give this fic a chance. Yes, it was different and I appreciate your kind reviews and PM's. Thank you._**

**_Enjoy!_**

**TWENTY-FIVE – EPILOGUE**

***SPENCER***

_How did I become the most popular girl at school in a matter of six months?_

_Everyone knew my name. Everyone wanted something from me, whether it was approval or otherwise. _

_I wasn't used to the attention and I had to admit I wasn't a big fan. At all._

_Asher had found his place in Photography class. He bought himself some high-tech equipment and now there were pictures of me everywhere in his room. It'd be creepy if I weren't his girlfriend. He said he liked to capture moments that were unknown._

_I have to say my favourite one was the one where I was sitting underneath our tree in the park, waiting for him to join me for a picnic lunch. He captured me reading a book quietly while the sun kissed the earth._

_Asher fit in perfectly at school and he was the reason why I was so popular. I wasn't a cheerleader. I wasn't on the debate team or on any team for that matter. I was Asher's girlfriend. So maybe I was popular by association, but it made him smile and he beamed every time people would stare at us while we walked down the hallways hand-in-hand. We were a disgustingly sweet couple._

****

"You're running a bit late?" I mixed the salad and winked at the pretty brunette sitting across from me at the kitchen counter. "Well I'll be home for a little while longer." I paused as the person on the other end chatted away. "I can do that, yes. Okay, I love you."

The brunette rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me.

I hung up the phone and smiled. "Sorry about that, where were we?" I leaned forward and placed a kiss on her soft cheek before going back to mixing the salad.

****

"_Are you kidding me?!" I whipped my head around in the direction of Aiden and Madison, screaming at each other. "Madison! What is wrong with you?"_

"_What is wrong with me?!" Madison threw her pompoms down and pointed her finger in Aiden's beefy chest. "You were the one who told me to 'fuck off'."_

"_And then you cheated on me!" Aiden yelled._

_I tuned them out after that and looked back towards Asher, who was on his laptop and going through his picture files. "Wow, so glad we don't have that problem."_

_Asher smirked and looked up at me, his eyes gleaming. "That's because we're perfect."_

_I agreed and slid down the table, closer to him. My chin rested on his shoulder while he went through files of pictures he had taken for the Senior Class yearbook edition. "You're really talented."_

_He ducked his head and blushed a bit. "Thanks."_

"_Hey guys." Carmen came up to us and sat down quietly. Her eyes narrowed towards the cheerleader and basketball star arguing. "What's going on over there?"_

"_Aiden thinks Madison is cheating on him." Asher shrugged and went back to work._

_I chanced a glance at Carmen, who looked horrified, and then I noticed Aiden coming towards us at full speed._

"_You really couldn't keep it in your pants, could you?" He spat in Carmen's face._

"_Whoa! Cool down Dennison." Asher got up and pushed him back a bit. "What's wrong?"_

"_Carmen, I'm sorry." Madison sighed._

_I blinked a couple of times and tried to decipher what that apology was for. "What happened?"_

"_We were drunk." Carmen stuttered a bit. I frowned at the way she hunched back a bit while his body towered over her. "I'm sorry."_

"_Whatever." Aiden scoffed. "You know what? You can have Madison. I wouldn't want her after you anyway."_

"_Hey!" I stood up quickly and shoved him hard. "Don't you dare talk to her like that, you jerk!"_

_Aiden's eyes widen and he backed up. "Look Carlin, I'm sorry okay? But how would you feel when the one woman you're in love with sleeps with someone you considered your best friend for years?"_

_He had a point but it gave him no right to scare __**my**__ best friends like that. _

"_Come on, let's go cool off." Asher closed his laptop and stuffed it back in his bag. He kissed me softly before following Aiden inside the school._

_I stared between Madison and Carmen. Then I burst into laughter._

"_This isn't funny!" Madison frowned._

"_No, you're right." I cleared my throat, trying to will the laughter away._

_Carmen and Madison stood there, gawking at each other awkwardly yet shyly and I rolled my eyes. Aiden didn't stand a chance._

"_Ugh. Get a room." I grabbed my book bag and took off, leaving them alone._

****

Carmen and Madison never lasted longer than a month. If you asked them, they wouldn't have even considered their time 'together' as anything more than a good lay every now and then.

Madison's friendship with Asher strengthened and they even tried to make their classes fit when they both went to UCLA. I loved to sit back and witness that bond grow between them because he deserved to have someone else in his life to accept him for who he was.

Carmen and I remained the same throughout high school. On graduation day she left town right after, in search of herself in New York City. She was given a full ride to an art school and hopped on the first flight out there. Asher paid for her ticket and made sure she was setup comfortably.

Aiden never tried to get back together with Madison after their very public break up. He ignored everyone in the friend group except for Asher. After school was over, he was accepted into USC and I hadn't heard from him since.

****

"_Ugh!" I made a disgusted noise. The light blue dress fit every curve of my body perfectly. "I hate it."_

"_You look hot." Carmen grinned and helped me straighten the straps on my dress. "Why are you in a bad mood?"_

"_I hate dances." I pouted and turned around, facing my best friend._

"_But you love Asher and he wanted to be here tonight." Carmen smiled softly and fixed my hair a bit. She laughed at my pout and slapped me lightly on the arm. "Oh come on Spence, all the ladies out on that dance floor are so jealous of you because you have him."_

_I grinned a little. I did have Asher and I wasn't about to let him go at all._

"_Hey girls!" Madison pushed open the door to the restroom and leaned against the wall. "Damn Spence, you look hot."_

_Carmen rolled her eyes and made a quick fix to her own hair and dress. "Madi, where's your date?"_

"_Out on the dance floor somewhere I think." Madison shrugged and clutched at her purse tightly. "They're going to announce the prom King and Queen soon, I'm so excited."_

"_You'll win it." I laughed and pinched her cheek. "You're gorgeous."_

"_Yeah, I would agree if you weren't nominated either." Madison stuck her tongue out and looped her arm through mine while her other hand slid around Carmen's waist._

_Asher spotted us from the punch bowl and made his way over, his smile a mile wide. "Is it me, or do you happen to get more gorgeous by the second?" He whispered in my ear as his hand slid down my waist, pulling me closer to him._

_I blushed and turned my head to capture his lips in a firm kiss. "You're such a charmer." I whispered against his lips._

_Asher did his famous nose crinkle grin and kissed me harder that time. "Thank you for coming with me tonight."_

"_Are you kidding?" I looked at him as if he were crazy. "I wasn't going to risk you being whisked away by some other Barbie."_

_Asher laughed huskily and twirled me around once before pressing our hips together and nipping at my bottom lip. "You're the only Barbie I want."_

_I would've protested with that comment but my mouth was otherwise occupied. _

_Things in the sex department had improved a lot more than I would've expected. Details would be left out but it was always amazing. Asher was more comfortable with his body around me and even though he had some restrictions, he would still show a lot more skin than I knew he was used too. _

_Our first time was a disaster because of our nerves but at the same time it was perfect. He was sweet and I was gentle and we only went as far as we were comfortable with._

"_Okay you handsome and beautiful seniors! It is that time you all have been looking forward to," Principal Divids cleared his throat and straightened his tie, "we're going to announce this year's prom King & Queen!"_

_I chuckled when Madison squealed. "I don't know why she's so excited, Mads was destined to win the title." I whispered in my boyfriend's ear._

_Asher turned his head to look at me with a grin. "Maybe so, but you deserve to win it."_

"_No thank you." I muttered and listened to what the Principal was saying._

"_So without further ado, your prom King is…" he paused dramatically and opened the envelope before his eyes landed in our direction, "Asher Davies!"_

_And the crowd went wild._

_Asher smiled and kissed me a few times. "I'll see you up there my Queen," he whispered before going to claim his well deserved crown._

_Carmen took his spot beside me and watched on eagerly as Asher was crowned. He looked so happy up there, knowing he was accepted even though only four of us knew his secret. _

_I was so entranced with watching him as we made eye contact that I never even heard who was crowned Queen. I felt myself being shoved towards the stage by Madison and Carmen. "What are you doing?!" I hissed, trying to get away from their grubby hands._

"_Miss Carlin, would you care to share a dance with your King?" Principal Divids smiled warmly at me when I took my first step up on the stage._

_I flinched when the tiara was placed on my head and glanced over at Asher, who smiled at me. I immediately felt calm the second his hand was placed in mine. "I told you I'd see you up here." He smirked._

_I blushed and felt awkward with all eyes on us when we hit the dance floor. "I wasn't expecting this." I whispered to Asher, glancing around me._

"_Forget about them," he pressed his forehead against mine, his chocolate eyes holding my captive, "it's just you and me, Spence."_

"_You and me." I repeated with a softer smile, my lips finding his briefly._

****

I watched her move about the kitchen in a calm fashion. Her long brown locks framing her perfect face and when she looked at me, I'd always find myself melting. She was everything to me and I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Not now.

Not ever.

"Can we go take a nap?" Her eyes scanned mine and I nodded, reaching for her hand as she pulled me towards the bedroom.

I'd like to say that Asher and I stayed together after high school. I would've loved to tell you that it was a happy ending after graduation. Sadly, it wasn't all rainbows.

****

_Asher was being unusually quiet. He was also fidgety and hadn't smiled once in my direction. "Spence," he finally whispered and I brought my eyes off his bedspread and noticed that he was on the verge of crying. When I went to crawl towards him, he stopped me. "Don't." He turned his head away and wiped his eyes. "I can't do this right now."_

_I swallowed and crawled just a little closer to him. "Do what?" I barely whispered._

_Asher stood up and pointed between us. "This. Us."_

"_What?" I bounced off the bed and looked at him as if he were crazy._

"_Please Spencer," he pleaded when he grabbed my hands, "you have to know that I don't want to do this."_

"_Then don't!" I frowned, feeling angrier by the second._

"_This isn't fair to you." He stressed._

"_I get that you're going through some hard times right now-"_

"_I freak out on the drop of a dime! I yell at you for no fucking reason just because it's convenient when you're around. I know you'll take it and then allow me to make it up to you but god baby, that isn't how it's supposed to be. I know I hurt you." Asher tugged on his shorter hair and bit his lip before his hand cupped the side of my face. "I can't be with you right now while I'm still getting a hold of my own emotions."_

"_Ash…" I breathed shakily. "Please don't do this."_

"_Look, I'm sorry." Asher whispered. "Spencer, I love you so much. Once I know I can be that guy for you again, I swear I'm coming back to fight for you."_

_I didn't know how to respond to that. I stared at him, not caring if I was breaking down completely right there and then. _

_I walked out of his room, ignoring my name being called by him. I ignored Kyla's hand on my arm when I was downstairs, insisting on knowing why I was so upset._

_I ignored Asher for months._

_I was heartbroken for the very first time and I wasn't wanting to relive that moment ever again._

****

"Have a nice nap?" I questioned as the girl beside me stretched and nodded. "You do realize if he comes home and sees us like this, he'll freak out." I said seriously.

She grinned and shrugged, hoping off the bed.

We both froze when we heard the front door open and close. "Oh…" I scrambled off the bed and did my best to make it neatly.

"We're busted aren't we?" She whispered.

"Anyone home?" We heard his voice come down the long hallway and rushed out of the bedroom. He stopped and stared at us, his eyes narrowing slightly. "What were two doing in there?"

"Nothing." My companion squeaked, her hand instinctively grabbed mine.

"I thought you were going to be late?" I asked, giving Asher my best smile.

"I am." He grinned and stepped forward, wrapping me up in his protective arms. I inhaled the clean smell of his business suit and placed a kiss on his slightly stubbly cheek when we pulled back. His eyes darted down to the 3 and a half foot brunette and knelt down, tucking a curl behind her ears. "You convinced Mommy to have a nap, didn't you?"

"We made salad?" She smiled cutely, her eyes dancing just like her father's would when he was trying to get out of trouble.

"It better be good salad." Asher smiled and picked up our daughter, ruffling her hair. "I'm sorry I'm late. The meeting ran longer than expected but on the bright side, we will be heading to Miami for vacation."

"Why don't you go and pack your little picnic basket." I asked the tiny brunette and she complied, making a run towards her bedroom. "Ashley?" I called and she stopped, looking at us. "Remember to pack Mr. Fuzzy."

"You shouldn't encourage her." Asher smiled. "She'll want to take that with her on her first day of school tomorrow."

"So?" I shrugged and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Ashley can bring whatever she wants as long as she goes to school," I nipped his lower lip, "unlike her daddy."

"It was high school, that's different!" He laughed and we made our way into the bedroom. I sat down on the bed and watched as he started to strip his clothes.

"So you're saying that if Ashley wants to skip classes in high school, you'd be okay with that?" I raised an eyebrow while my hands slowly started to undo the buttons on his shirt.

"Well no," he smiled impishly, "I was stupid and the only reason why I went back was to impress you."

"You did more than impress me before you decided to go back." I reminded him, my fingers trailing down his chiseled stomach and then back up again, gently tracing over the scars where he had his top surgery done years prior. I found his body completely gorgeous. More than the 'woman' I had the rare one night privilege of making love to when 'she' came to me as 'her'.

"You better stop that." Asher whispered huskily and ran his fingers through my hair.

"Fine." I squeezed his hips and kissed him briefly. "We'll continue this when Ashley's in bed tonight."

Asher grinned slyly and groped me quickly before taking his shirt off and pulling a tight t-shirt over.

We met Ashley in the living room. She was sitting on the couch talking with her favourite stuffed bunny that Kyla and Justin bought for her when she was born. "Ready to go kiddo?" I asked, swinging her into my arms, making her squeal with delight.

"Daddy, can I ride on your shoulders there?" Ashley pouted.

"If you must." Asher teased and pulled her up and on his shoulders. "Are you okay with the basket?" He asked me with a soft smile.

"Perfect." I smiled back and made sure that the little one had her 'security blanket'.

****

_It had been going on six months of my miserable life. Six months that I have not been happy and six months of listening to dramatic emo depressed music. I didn't really go out much and the only time I managed a smile was when Carmen came to visit me with her new girlfriend, Blake, who treated her with respect and was absolutely beautiful._

_Other than that, Madison fought with me to join her and Asher at a pool party, or join them at the movies or join them for coffee – all of which I had declined._

_I was told that he was just as miserable without me in his life but I had yet to hear it from him. I wasn't going to give in, call me stubborn I really don't care._

_It wasn't until one night, Chelsea asked me to meet her for a bit. She said she had some urgent news and didn't want to tell me over the phone. I crawled out of my dorm room hole and made my way towards her small studio apartment. Stuffing my hands in the pockets of Asher's hoodie he left behind, I briskly started to make my way through the park._

_Normally I'd take the time to make out my surroundings of the children playing in the sandboxes, or the grown-ups catching up like lifelong friends, or people walking their cute dogs. I didn't have it in me that evening to do that. I couldn't watch someone else enjoy their life and smile while I was dying inside._

_Boohoo, right?_

_It wasn't until I looked up and stared over at the tree: the weeping willow tree that was no longer mine because I had shared it with him, when I noticed someone watching me._

_I was frozen in my spot and my feet wouldn't allow me to run even if I wanted._

_Asher stared at me before I noticed he was getting closer. _

"_Hi." He swallowed nervously when he finally stopped two feet in my personal space._

_I wanted to say 'hi' back but I couldn't._

"_Um, I know you were expecting to go see Chelsea, but she was just a helping hand in my plan." Asher bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck, a nervous twitch that was strictly and endearingly his. "So don't be mad at her. I knew if Madison asked you, you would've declined."_

"_Oh." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "So I'm not meeting Chelsea?"_

_He shook his head and that was when my feet started to work. I was walking away from him, not sure how I should feel._

"_Spencer, wait!" Asher's first touch to my hand sent familiar tingles through my body and I blinked. "Please, just hear me out."_

_My gaze shifted down to my shoes and I inhaled sharply when his fingers tilted my head up to look him in those eyes that I could get lost in forever._

"_I miss you." His confessed whisper sent jolts of electricity throughout my whole body._

_What I did next sent them on overdrive. I threw my arms around him and kissed him as if my life had depended on it. Which in a way it did._

_When I pulled back, I slapped him across the face and poked his chest. "Don't you __**ever**__ do that again!"_

_Asher was in shock by the slap but even more so by the kiss I had just given him. "Never."_

"_If you break my heart again Davies, I swear to __**God**__…" I hissed, pulling him back in for a kiss before he could even respond._

****

Ashley ran ahead and plopped down in 'her spot' under the tree in the park.

"So did Kyla say when they're heading back from the Bahamas?" I asked my husband as we approached our singing daughter.

"Next month." Asher rolled his eyes. "I don't think she wants to leave that place."

"I don't blame her." My eyes twinkled, thinking back to our honeymoon. We spent it traveling the world and found that all the great spots with beaches were our favourite. Asher said because it was more of an excuse to see me in a bikini.

"How was work, daddy?" Ashley beamed and opened up her small picnic basket, laying out her little teacup set.

"It was wonderful honey, thank you for asking." Asher grinned and kissed her on the forehead while he sat down beside her. "Carmen is coming into town next month, hopefully with good news."

Asher opened up his own gallery showcasing his own work to begin with, calling it 'Ashley Photography & Co.'. His partner, Carmen, worked behind the scenes while she was off in Paris working on getting their company off the ground there. The money he inherited when he was eighteen only grew in amounts of hundreds of thousands with his own photography gallery making him and his clients more than enough money by the month.

"I really think it's a done deal." I shrugged. "Her artwork is amazing and you're brilliant and an awesome business man."

"I like your ties." Ashley threw in and smiled when she was given an approved nod.

"I do too." I purred softly and felt him stiffen slightly.

"You two ladies are going to be the death of me with your pouty lips and big eyes." Asher whispered against my lips.

"Hey, don't think I had anything to do with her pouty lips," I held my hands up, "they're totally yours."

Ashley giggled.

"Well still, she pulls the same look you do." He whispered, his hands cradling my face.

****

"_Are you sure about this?" I asked Asher, as we sat in the sterile office._

"_Of course." He smiled and pulled me in for a hug. "I want to have a baby with you. I want this baby to be a part of us."_

"_Ash," I sighed softly, my fingers trailing over his clean shaven face, "no matter how this baby is conceived, he or she will be ours."_

"_I know," Asher blushed, "I just want him or her to __**ours**__."_

_I nodded, knowing that it was pointless to even argue with him. _

_We married our second year in university, much to my parents' pleas for us to wait. It was a small simple ceremony under our infamous tree with close friends and family, Christine excluded. Carmen was my Maid of Honor, my father walked me down the 'aisle' and Madison was Asher's Best Man. We spent four weeks traveling the world before having to get back into our studying._

_It was two years after we graduated from UCLA when we decided that starting a family was in the best interest with both of us._

_It wasn't the easiest procedure to go through for him. They didn't even know if it'd work but they took out his eggs and preserved them for when I was ovulating. We were told that our hopes shouldn't be held high but I couldn't help it._

_If all went well, I'd be pregnant with Asher's baby and a sperm donor we had agreed on through one of the safest cryobanks in Los Angeles. _

_I couldn't tell you the nervous yet exciting feeling that was coursing through me when it was my turn to go in and have the eggs implanted. Asher promised me that no matter what, we'd still have a little family that we both wanted._

_Someone was on our side because when I went back to the Doctor's to confirm my home pregnancy test; she had said we would be expecting our first child. _

"_I hope she has your lips and eyes," I whispered one night, my hand pressing over my swollen belly._

"_She?" Asher propped himself up and grinned. "You think we'll have a girl?"_

"_I feel it." I nodded and squeezed his hand that was caressing the lower part of my belly. "She really wants to come out and play."_

_Asher chuckled and moved to press his lips against the bump. "Give it another month kiddo, then you can come out and play all you want."_

_I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him up for a tender kiss, which he happily obliged to. "I love you, Asher."_

"_I love you." He whispered against my skin and nuzzled my neck. "Do you have any ideas for names?"_

_I cleared my throat and bravely nodded. "I think she'd love to be named after her perfect father."_

"_Asher?" He raised an eyebrow._

"_Sort of," I smiled weakly and played with his fingers. "I was thinking she could be named 'Ashley'."_

_His eyes widened but then his face broke out into the most gorgeous grin ever. "I like that."_

"_Really?" I whispered._

"_I like that a lot." He nodded and turned us around so that I was now straddling his hips. "You're both so beautiful."_

_Asher knew what to say or do to make me blush a deep red. "Ash." I murmured quietly while my shirt was being tugged up and over my head._

"_You are amazing Mrs. Davies." He gripped my hips tendering and kissed the underside of my jaw. "I'm completely in love with you."_

****

Ashley was sleeping on the blanket while Asher and I just enjoyed the scenery and the company of each other. "I think we wore her out."

"She never could hold out a whole afternoon," I smirked and ran my fingers through the long curls of our daughter's hair. "And to think, we even had an hour of naptime."

"Are you worn out?" Asher grinned.

"Not yet." I mused and shrugged. "Why? Are you offering to do the job?"

"Eh, I'll think about it." Asher said seriously before I hit him and we broke out into laughter. "We should get her home. She does start school tomorrow."

"Does she have to go?" I asked, slightly serious. "I really like having her around me all day. She cleans a mean tub."

Asher snickered. "You put the poor five year old to work?"

"No," I smiled, "she offers to help me."

"Aww," he looked down at the sleeping girl and laced his fingers through her tinier ones, "she's amazing, isn't she? I just love her so much."

"Me too." I whispered. "She'll be great in school."

"Probably popular." Asher said thoughtfully.

"Artsy for sure." I nodded.

"She'll have the best snacks." He grinned.

"Best fashion." I threw in there.

"Her mom will be the hottest one on the parent committee." Asher smirked and kissed me.

"Touché." I laughed softly.

"Did you want me to carry her?" Asher asked when I started to pack up the stuff around the blankets.

"I think we should wake her so she'll be able to sleep tonight." I ruffled her hair and whispered her name softly in her ear. "Wake up sleeping beauty."

Ashley squirmed and frowned. "No."

"Do you want to sleep in the park all by yourself?" I asked teasingly.

"Daddy will stay with me." She blinked her sleepy eyes groggily.

It was sadly true. Asher would do anything for his daughter.

"Come on Ash," he whispered and helped her up a bit, "Mommy and I have a small surprise for you."

"You do?" She grinned, finally wiping the sleep out of her eyes.

"Yes, look." Asher pointed to the willow tree and smiled when my own eyes lit up. Where Asher had carved our names into the willow tree the night before our wedding, was now a freshly engraved 'Ashley'.

"You put my name under yours and mommy's!" Ashley said excitedly and her tiny fingers traced our names in the bark and then hers.

"It's our family tree." Asher kissed her cheek and lifted her up and over his head. "Let's get you home. You have your first day of school tomorrow."

"Yay!" Ashley clapped her hands and then held onto Asher's head tightly while we walked side by side home.

"Daddy?" she asked.

"What is it honey?" He smiled when I slid my arm around his waist and my hand into his furthest back pocket.

"Can I bring Mr. Fuzzy to school with me?"

Asher gave me a sideways glance and I laughed a little. "What if you lose him?"

"Oh." Ashley stared off into the distance. "I should let him stay home and keep mommy company, right?"

Asher chuckled and nodded. "Right."

And life, just like that, was perfect for the Davies family.

--

_**End.**_


End file.
